All Psyched Up

Today has been the 1st day of Psychiatry posting. Of expecting one to have more freedom out of an 8-weeks posting, it would rather seem to be of a cluttered one. The timetable clashes here and there, no thanks to its 20-pages long booklet catered for the students, with our names repeating over and over again. Such disarray can only be seen in Psychiatry maybe. Or just my hospital.

Anyway, back with the place, at least I've finally got to the wards, and it was quite deep in the territory. Grill bars can be seen at the entrance of the male and female wards, reminiscing of what may be seen from the papers of the Taman Sinar Harapan commotion. Well, of course, the patients were well-dressed (fortunately) rather than being in the nude. But generally, I would say that the wards seemed more dilapidated than other wards, being in a world of their own. (Including the students, nurses and doctors). I wonder if I could remain sane after 8 weeks there, not due to the patient factor, but rather the environment. One thing for sure, psychiatry wards could be one of the least conducive place. As far as I am concerned, a proper asylum hospital would be a better environment, with the outdoors welcoming them with open arms. But here? It seems more like we're trying to hide them from vicinity. It's just rather depressing, from what I can see.

And why I'm so free here? It's all because the professors have a meeting for the semester exam papers. Being treated like patients ourselves, we're not allowed to have our supervisor's phone number. Authopsies are generally unwelcomed on the 1st day of posting, so naturally, we'll skip it. Let's just hope some reading for tomorrow's lecture helps. :P

The Cusp of Oscillation

The worst thing is to see that your horoscope talks rather true about you. At least when more than 50%. So here's for those who wants to know more about me. :P

LEO

Persons born "on the line" between two Zodiac Signs partake of qualities found in both Signs or, more strictly speaking, have a blend of traits that may compose an individual nature. Due to variations in astrological calendars, this may became apparent during the last few days of a departing Sign, but the "cusp" (as it is termed) pertains chiefly to the first week of the incoming Sign. While the new Sign is gaining its ascendancy, the influences of the old will persist but gradually loses its hold day-by-day until, by the seventh day, the new Sign is in complete control.

Individuals born on the cusp of Cancer (the fourth Sign of the Zodiac) and Leo (the fifth Sign of the Zodiac) are ruled by both the Sun and the Moon. These cuspians are witty, ambitious and sometimes, extremely unscrupulous. Indeed, this particular cusp combination frequently produces the most corrupt of politicians who attain eminence. These natives are experts at appealing to the various vulnerable points of their associates and the inherent daring ambition provides the power of securing for themselves the preferment and advancement to which they aspire, even though better individuals may, of necessity, be sacrificed to their progress. Nonetheless, Cancer/Leo subjects will nurture the family group and take pride in the warm hospitality they invariably provide.

The Cancer/Leo cusp combination, also known as the Cusp of Oscillation, corresponds symbolically to the period of human life at around the age of twenty-eight. Of all twelve cusps, these natives most clearly display the split influences of two adjacent Signs almost opposite in their orientations. Here, traditionally feminine orientations (associated with the Moon) and traditionally masculine orientations (associated with the Sun) are combined equally in one single personality. Thus, Cancer/Leo males are likely to possess strong feminine sensibilities and Cancer/Leo females display an accentuated masculine side. Integrated in such a manner, these contrasting characteristics can result in a highly-balanced and healthy personality. However, when there is a tendency to vie for ascendancy, this cusp combination often produces wide mood swings which can cause immense psychic stress. It may be hard for others to know exactly how to approach these cuspians and those who know them well will frequently ease slowly into conversations, sitting quietly until the mood becomes apparent. Generally, it is difficult (if not impossible) to push Cancer/Leo subjects from one psychological state into another due to the fact that they are resistant to emotional manipulation. The water element of Cancer results in these natives tending to respond through emotion, while the fire element of Leo provides a more physical aspect to the character, coupled with a tendency to respond to the world by way of action. Thus, these cuspians are normally quite intuitive and will leap headfirst into life, refusing to fret over whether their latest goal is realistic or practical. However, should the situation happen to require drama or courage, then these subjects most certainly possess both...in great abundance.

Cancer/Leo cuspians love being on the "cutting edge" of innovative projects and activities, possessing the vitality and ambition to be successful in creative endeavors. Indeed, "creativity" is one of the keywords attributed to these subjects and their caring nature ensures that the benefits of their imaginative powers will help others. Although they may not necessarily be suited to the position of leadership, they are efficient and their application to the task at hand is admirable. These natives also know how to delegate authority and work within a team environment. They usually prefer to be in the "thick of battle" rather than be found "sitting on the sidelines," and those who can work with these natives as true associates and partners are often able to share in such experiences, thus penetrating deeply into this cuspian's heart and mind. Cancer/Leo natives set high goals for themselves. They are great thinkers and possess magnificent memories. By nature, these are immensely sympathetic souls...particularly to those in distress and will contribute freely and lavishly toward relief. Loyalty to friends is yet another admirable trait associated with this cusp combination. Indeed, there is no trouble or disgrace sufficient to cause these natives to forsake those to whom they have given friendship. Females governed by this cusp combination are frequently among the best wives and mothers to be found in the entire Zodiac. They are good housekeepers and excellent cooks, with a pronounced desire for "pleasures of the table." Indeed, all these cuspians (regardless of gender) have a strong association with food.

Cancer/Leo natives are both emotional and traditional, often very interested in their heredity and ancestors. They are frequently prominent in the theatrical arena since their inherent flamboyance and love of attention make them natural candidates for fame. There is a tendency here for these natives to perceive themselves as the "center of the universe" and, sometimes, they are absolutely correct. However, often fascinated by their own brilliance and eloquence, Cancer/Leo cuspians may become self-hypnotized to the point where they consider themselves to be masters or mistresses of right or wrong. From high-minded reformers, they can turn into unscrupulous spellbinders and their self-confidence could cause them to ridicule their own conservatism. Once the Leo mind drops its idealism and falls prey to indolence or deceit, then the lunar forces of Cancer will take control in the worse possible way and stir the restless mind with jealousy. However, this may all be avoided by fostering the natural exuberance afforded by Leo and turning it to progressive channels. True Leo individuals born born during the early period of this particular cusp combination frequently rise high in such professions as medicine(swt???) and law, as well as becoming fine educators. The reason for this is due to their human sympathies, which are strongly furthered by the lunar undercurrent supplied by the Cancer influence. Cancer/Leo cuspians often make excellent amateur chefs and some go on to make a career out of cooking. Since pleasure is paramount to this cusp combination, its natives are prone to sepnd money in order to feel good. Cancer/Leo cuspians enjoy physical exercise (which can aid to counter the stress inherent in the emotional nature of this blend) and there is a decided preference here to play team sports or participate in group exercise rather than any solo activity. In short, these natives are far too sociable to truly enjoy solitary running or any other form of individual activity.

Here, the powerful governing influence of the Sun (which governs Leo), assumes almost total control over uncertain Cancer (governed by the flickery and fickle Moon). Nonetheless, this lesser force is present and can evidence itself, much like the Moon will occasionally eclipse the Sun. Individuals born on this cusp combination should basically consider themselves to be the subjects of Leo and strive to shake off any lunar weaknesses that could prove to be their undoing. If such natives become retrospective, then they should consider the past and its traditions to be nothing more than a guide toward a much greater future. Should the Cancer/Leo cuspian become moody, then he or she needs to "snap out of it" and think in terms of ambition. When this combination becomes sympathetic to suffering, it is important that immediate steps be taken to improve the condition or the brilliant and intellectual qualities given to this cusp by Leo may easily become warped or even dissipated. Cancer/Leo cuspians tend to go through life with a strong shell around them...one that is not easily broken. However, such individuals are the first to express emotion in any given situation...the first to laugh and the first to shed tears. There is also a strong ability to see projects through to completion. Thus, they are good organizers and tend to be very popular or even inspiring individuals. These cuspians are prone to be more sensitive to the movement of the Moon through the Zodiac than are other cuspians and their mood frequently changes in tune with the Moon's passage. In essence, these are by nature normally gregarious, social, self-assured and fun-loving characters who live life with much enthusiasm. Usually domestic and peaceful souls, they possess strong emotional drives and refuse to sit still when loved ones are threatened. There is also a tendency in the character of this cusp combination to live in something of a fantasy world.

With regard to relationships, Cancer/Leo cuspians rank high in almost every area...the gambit from devotion to romance. In dealings with business partners and friends, these natives tend to fare better with individuals who are even in terms of disposition...ones who are able to promote a peaceful and constant environment in day-to-day activities. Steady jobs, well-founded relationships and a dependable mate are vital to these natives in order to even out their constrasting moods. Nonetheless, they will most likely remain happy (to some degree at least) so long as someone is paying attention to them.

The greatest strength of Cancer/Leo cuspians is to be found in their creativity and in their generosity toward others. Sometimes, these qualities will combine and result in an individual who provides thoughtful gifts or unique solutions to problems. In addition, blessed with an emotional orientation to life which makes them aware of the difficulties their loved ones must work through, this cusp is counted among the most understanding characters of the Zodiac.

The most important lesson to be learned by Cancer/Leo natives is that they need to work with people who are not only highly competent and can carry their own share of the load, but that such people are able to understand these cuspians on a personal level. It is also necessary for them to learn self-discipline and try not to concentrate overly much on the past...instead, living for the present. Additionally, these natives should note that it is essential for their blood and digestive organs to be well-toned. As with all cusp individuals, these cuspians tend to be attracted to others born on the cusp...particularly those who fall within the Libra/Scorpio and Capricorn/Aquarius combinations.

-- Possess the inward and sensitive traits inherent in Cancer --
-- Possess the outward and fiery traits inherent in Leo --
-- Tend to have rather volatile personalities --
-- Prone to movement...both physically and emotionally --
-- Life is prone to be focused on strength and grace --
-- Often lacking in self-discipline --
-- Apt to dwell on the past --
-- Need to learn to live for the moment --
-- Vibrant and energetic --

Notable Cancer/Leo Cuspians Include:
Sir Edmund Hilary; Ernest Hemingway; Alexander the Great; Amelia Earhart; and Walter Payton

A Second Life

I was an aspiring guitarist. I started a new life in a town called Sunnydale. Being a young single chap, I was enthusiastic in a new town. I bought a small house with my lifetime savings and began my career right away. I practised guitar, perform in the park for some meager tips, and came home everyday just in time for some own home-cooked meal. Career seem important that I hanged out with fellow musicians as I work myself from a backstage boy to the lead guitarist. The life was nothing but routine, apart from hitting out at fellow colleagues who bore my child(ren) out of wedlock. Not one, not two, but 3 children in total. If I kept matters as it was, soon I'll be fathering the whole population of Sunnydale!!!

Blame it on my charismatic and lucky soul, but I never got to know my very own children and talk to them. Life is all about fame and the sex game, and nothing else. I never got to explore the small town, or did any of the fishing, reading or a massage from the spa. If I'd earned that much, why would I not be enjoying them? At the rate I was going, I would reach my lifetime aspiration to be the celebrity musician that I dreamed of. At the price of life itself.

And that is where Sims 3 strikes reality. You can't have everything in life.

In short, I figured that this game is the best way to invoke your curiosities of "what if's". What if I'd worked hard to achieve my career? What if I'd been promiscuous? What if I had chosen another path, the road not taken?

The up side was, Sims 3 is a totally new dynamic game. The Sims world were no longer compartmentalized in squares. It's an open field (requiring much more of graphics rendering, of course) where the world is your imagination. Roam the world, smell the fresh air, bump into a fellow Sim by the road, or go for some hobbies. The tomatoes outdoors are harvestable, the fish are there for your fish and chips menu(provided you knew how to fish and cook). You walk your date from house to the fine dining, or visit the theatre on a date.

Eat more, and you'll see your sim gradually grow fat. Exercise more and starve yourself, maybe you'll get slim. And of course, your sim(s) have moods, or characters which clearly defines human. And your sim ages (provided you did not switched off aging in the options) gracefully till the day they die.

Then again, there are limitations. Despite my many attempts to flirt with many females, and lots of woo hoo-ing (sex in Sims term), there wasn't any repercussions. No sexually transmitted diseases, no AID's (Sims citizens are free from infectious disease). Well, you may expect drama when you were caught red-handed when your lover B bumps into you while you were having intimate moments with Lover A. The dramas that ensues was the reason I started this side-story to fill in my curiosity.

Apart from that, my sim was just a workaholic. A bachelor who lives a free but lonely life. Life started as he steps out of the house, but back home, he is just a lonely chap. Towards the end, he'd realised his problem, but it was too late. It was just a matter of days before he aged and turn into an old lonely geezer. A man with career and fame, but without a resting place to retire. It must have been depressing to learn this.

From what I've learnt from here, celebrities live a lonely life. They might have millions of fans and friends, but there was never a true friend. It's such a irony that perhaps, MJ might have played this game before deciding that it's better to die young and be famous than age but soon forgotten. This is just a theory postulated out of fiction, but nevertheless proves that only celebrities who died young are remembered better, be it Bruce Lee, Elvis Presley, etc. That is when all your belongings become freakingly expensive at auctions, but well, you never get to enjoy the wealth of it.

Maybe it's time to take life easy. I'm not sure if I'm ready to slog myself through that much of work for life. Maybe the balancing act, done right, ought to make life easier.

Or maybe I should doze off right now. Nitez!

The Tracheotomy Assistant

A tracheotomy can be done in 1 minute time. Particularly for emergency.

That was what Dr Ee mentioned merrily while whisking away from the changing room, towards the operating theatre. Crap, the last one I saw took at least half an hour from scalpel to needle. Wondering if he's just joking.

Well, I tagged along, because the patient was one of the many rare cases of trachetomy done under local anesthetic. And also because, the patient was my grandma. I did not tell Dr Ee (not intentionally) for fear of disrupting his focus. Well, you know, having a family member around can be intimidating for some doctors. I'm not a fussy one anyway, and what happens in the OT stays in the OT, with me well aware of all the potential risks and complications.

After a while there, Dr Ee was there giving instructions to the nurses and anesthetics. Lignocaine, size 8 tracheostomy tube, no sedation, etc. I was listening casually for I was just observing. No stress, no tension. It was another freezing evening in the OT.

"You can scrub in if you want to," Dr Ee gestured to me, giving the green light.

But crap, I wasn't prepared. I haven't scrubbed in for an OT procedure before. Call me a noob. I know some of my coursemates would be dying for this opportunity, but I wasn't one of them. I'm always the laidback, because there's plenty of chances when you're a houseman and I believed that opportunity presents itself (which is untrue, of course, I know). But today was one of the days when Mr Opportunity really presents itself right at the doorstep. Was I in the position to refuse?

Soon I was in the gown attire. The nurses and the attendant were helpful in aiding me scrubbing in. Gosh how funny can I look when no one could recognized me when I'm wearing a mask? And there I was, holding the retractor ala "pokok" style. Glad he gave instructions because O&G phobia of having to help without being told made me think twice before offering to assist. Plus O&G nurses can be mean. Very mean.

The whole process from scalpel to needle took just 10 minutes. The added time, he said was due to the fibrosis around the trachea as a result of post-thyroidectomy some 20 years ago. The incision was "minute" according to him, approximately 3-4 cm on the neck. I saw some incisions were done 2-3 inches, so I knew it's an exceptional case. Hope there's no problem with such a small incision such as stenosis! :P

Well, I must admit it was kind of fast overall. He has 8 years of experience, what else to say (Not to mention the ability to brag with pride-but willing to teach nevertheless). Grannie's stable now, waiting for the pneumonia to subside. It's a tiring day with another fateful event in ENT. I'm not sure if this is really called fate, or just another series of coincidental events. Or maybe it acts as a reminder of the purpose and meaning of being in this field. And the very sole reason why I'd preferred to study in UKM(despite its many dumb protocols and imperfections - guess humans need to adapt to imperfections after all).

Somehow, if the fateful encounters with ENT continues, perhaps it's a sign of fate. Should I heed the call or should I not?

I'll just worry of the present then. Until then... until then...

A Short Ending

After what seemed to be a clinical hoo-haa for the past 2 months, a beam of excitement surfaced from the magentic horizon. It's the end of one posting, which meant, the mid-sem break is here. Somehow, it was quite a relief that I'd shrugged myself through. Time flies in the Triad posting, and the moment you could pause for your 1st gasp of air, it is already the end of the posting. Blame it on the 9 weeks holiday, the comfort zone which I needed to be pulled out of.

Looking back at it again, it didn't look that shabby after all. Maybe it was the "getting used to it" part that was hard. Having a 3-weeks encounter with the supervisor of each posting almost seem inadequate. Eating an exotic meal was challenging enough, what else it's like having 3 different meals one after another. (Authentic Sze Chuan Curry, Vietnam cold food and Thai's fried crickets, etc) But, if there's so many students who went through the same journey and survived, why not me? Maybe there's gonna be hiccups here and there, or possible diarrhea, but I guess I'll be able to vomit back a substantial amount for the exams. :P

Next, I'll be having my 8 weeks Psychiatry posting after the 1 week break. People told me its going to be an easy time there, so I'll just see how it goes. Seems that this year around, everyone is trying to compare who has the easiest posting of all. If I am to believe all the feedback, I'll be disillusioned that Year 4 is a stroll in the park. Compared to last year, there are always claim that the posting they are in are the hardest of all. Or maybe it's just that same few who made the noises all the time. It so happen that I haven't met them all. Yet.

And so, here it is, time for my Special Study Module meeting. Maybe I'll post more updates and thoughts during the holidays. I'll be having all the time in the world. So, whats the rush? :P

A Frozen Skill

Just got my certificate that would maybe last 2 years in the freezer. The Basic Life Support skills, which are slightly more advanced than the layman's ones, would be put into waste. When would we really be helping a victim? With the rampant HIV/ Hep B viral spread, no one's gonna take the risk unless you have the face mask kit. And are we going to carry it 24/7?

I'd rather freeze the skill for 2 years and wasted it down. Muahaha.. End of story.