Temptations & Ambitions

Everyone makes mistakes in some part of their lives. Sometimes, we just screwed up and hoped that we would never be reminded of it again. But I guess for most people, it comes back and haunt you.


Well, this happened a few years back while I was working part-time in Pizza Hut. You see, pizzas have various toppings to choose from, so it can be rather tricky for the customers to choose. As a well-trained waiter (or so it seems), you'll have to be able to describe each pizza, from the toppings to its crust, and to dictate the taste so that the customers could taste it from your descriptions. And of course, recommendations are always welcomed despite the fancy illustrations.


As you can see, I was never a fan of Pepperoni. To be exact, back then, I hadn't know what the heck was Pepperoni. Oh well, it's just an extension of "Pepper" (capsicum) perhaps. Or some sort of cooking style for the green or red capsicum. How would I know why would people put some green or red capsicum slices on their pizza? Dang them for not calling it salami, or hot sausages whatsoever.


There were various incidences such occurences occured, but one of it was a Chinese couple ordering pizza. I was the attending waiter, and they were on a vegetarian diet which was usual for the 1st and 15th of the lunar month. Since they asked for a vege dish, I'd even recommend the pepperoni pizza! Well, the couple hadn't know, and ordered it as well. After being served the pizza, they non-chalantly ate it as well with no complaints. Heck I know what went wrong if there's any. Since it was a short 2-month stint there, I hadn't really had a chance to realize my mistake. It was months after that, when I found out that pepperoni was meat and not vege!


By then I guess it was too late. I had done a few recommendations, unforgiven in my very own sense. I had never had a taste of pepperoni pizza there, because I wouldn't bother tasting capsicum pizza (or so I thought). I guessed if I'd tasted it, I would have known what it was. I've tasted it at times, it was just that I never knew it was pepperoni.


Imagine the horror and the sin when this was found out. It's like offering beef to GuanYin believers, or pork to Muslims. I'm basically violating their beliefs despite the non-existence of mal-intention.

Whenever I happened to bumped on any "pepperoni" word on a restaurant menu, or perhaps the sight of pepperoni, I guess I will always be reminded of that one (or a few) very grave mistake I had made. There's nothing that can be done now, but the memories will always be haunting me. *Sigh*

1am in the morning as I am literally scribbling in the dark in my room in hostel. Somehow, insomnia strikes my mind at the freshest and most critical moment of my life. I've just finished 6 short cases simulation with Jo Ee as my SP. It's nothing major, just the main 6 systems being focused ala exam style. All I can see now are frustration and anxiety whirling in the corner of the mind, building a tension so great that it might snap anytime soon.

Have I been humane out of sudden or out of the blue? Or have I been tested to my extremes to wear me down? I've no idea, for I've stood as long as it takes for this one last hurdle in front of me. The marathon effect sinks in just as the finishing line is within vicinity. Or perhaps it wasn't, it was just a check point, as the destination was far ahead. All I'll need is to concentrate at one at a time, and stop worrying many checkpoints ahead up to the final destination.

As they say, the possibilities multiply the further you look ahead, and thus one man can't bear that many consequences that well. Mettle can be sharpened, but they grow thinner the more you do it to the extent that you'll lose the very thing that you held pride in. For me now, the nostalgic feeling drill a punch of memories in the core of my cerebral cortex. Or cerebellum, or the ventricles, or the thalamus. Who cares? Memories in the past flood the presence, as if an imminent death awaits at the other end. I'll giggle at my own folly, for I never knew there was such a chicken in me. The one that took some time for any person to admit. Perhaps, the courage to admit the fear is a form of courage itself, but does not have practicality in my sensible sense. It is, after all, cowardice. Only the courageous and the victor write the history, so here I am, writing in my blog instead.

So, this constant babbling and conflict would go on and on, but hey, looking at the bright side, I am relieved that it had all came to an end. With tomorrow, everything's almost done. Tomorrows worries, should be worried tomorrow. Full stop.

Sorry for you readers for reading such a piece of ununderstandable piece of thought, playing trickery on you with its confusing content. Just pretend that this never existed, and perhaps, pretend that this was a password-protected post.