1am in the morning as I am literally scribbling in the dark in my room in hostel. Somehow, insomnia strikes my mind at the freshest and most critical moment of my life. I've just finished 6 short cases simulation with Jo Ee as my SP. It's nothing major, just the main 6 systems being focused ala exam style. All I can see now are frustration and anxiety whirling in the corner of the mind, building a tension so great that it might snap anytime soon.
Have I been humane out of sudden or out of the blue? Or have I been tested to my extremes to wear me down? I've no idea, for I've stood as long as it takes for this one last hurdle in front of me. The marathon effect sinks in just as the finishing line is within vicinity. Or perhaps it wasn't, it was just a check point, as the destination was far ahead. All I'll need is to concentrate at one at a time, and stop worrying many checkpoints ahead up to the final destination.
As they say, the possibilities multiply the further you look ahead, and thus one man can't bear that many consequences that well. Mettle can be sharpened, but they grow thinner the more you do it to the extent that you'll lose the very thing that you held pride in. For me now, the nostalgic feeling drill a punch of memories in the core of my cerebral cortex. Or cerebellum, or the ventricles, or the thalamus. Who cares? Memories in the past flood the presence, as if an imminent death awaits at the other end. I'll giggle at my own folly, for I never knew there was such a chicken in me. The one that took some time for any person to admit. Perhaps, the courage to admit the fear is a form of courage itself, but does not have practicality in my sensible sense. It is, after all, cowardice. Only the courageous and the victor write the history, so here I am, writing in my blog instead.
So, this constant babbling and conflict would go on and on, but hey, looking at the bright side, I am relieved that it had all came to an end. With tomorrow, everything's almost done. Tomorrows worries, should be worried tomorrow. Full stop.
Sorry for you readers for reading such a piece of ununderstandable piece of thought, playing trickery on you with its confusing content. Just pretend that this never existed, and perhaps, pretend that this was a password-protected post.
Have I been humane out of sudden or out of the blue? Or have I been tested to my extremes to wear me down? I've no idea, for I've stood as long as it takes for this one last hurdle in front of me. The marathon effect sinks in just as the finishing line is within vicinity. Or perhaps it wasn't, it was just a check point, as the destination was far ahead. All I'll need is to concentrate at one at a time, and stop worrying many checkpoints ahead up to the final destination.
As they say, the possibilities multiply the further you look ahead, and thus one man can't bear that many consequences that well. Mettle can be sharpened, but they grow thinner the more you do it to the extent that you'll lose the very thing that you held pride in. For me now, the nostalgic feeling drill a punch of memories in the core of my cerebral cortex. Or cerebellum, or the ventricles, or the thalamus. Who cares? Memories in the past flood the presence, as if an imminent death awaits at the other end. I'll giggle at my own folly, for I never knew there was such a chicken in me. The one that took some time for any person to admit. Perhaps, the courage to admit the fear is a form of courage itself, but does not have practicality in my sensible sense. It is, after all, cowardice. Only the courageous and the victor write the history, so here I am, writing in my blog instead.
So, this constant babbling and conflict would go on and on, but hey, looking at the bright side, I am relieved that it had all came to an end. With tomorrow, everything's almost done. Tomorrows worries, should be worried tomorrow. Full stop.
Sorry for you readers for reading such a piece of ununderstandable piece of thought, playing trickery on you with its confusing content. Just pretend that this never existed, and perhaps, pretend that this was a password-protected post.
Comments (0)
Post a Comment