Temptations & Ambitions

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium. In general, you prefer to have only one love interest. But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long! There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is medium. You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love... But you've definitely been burned enough to know better. You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist. Independence: Your independence is medium. In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time." You usually find it easy to be part of a couple. But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

I'm so dead. University life is creeping towards me, and I doubt I will be able to cope up. Laziness has started to cover me all over, and I just don't know what is the goal of my life. Ups and downs in my life has made me all immune. And I'm blabbing without aim here. The problem is that I can't pour out anything here too, because someone will find this too. G*d, what should I do?

Sad case. I should be happy with my results, but it fades as quick as I got it. There is nothing I could boast of, because I know it will hurt others. I felt a tingle of symphaty for others, because they didn't do as well. If the grades had been lenient as I thought because the ygave me A's, why did the others couldn't get it? Is it because they didn't do enough to ensure it? Perhaps, that is the irony part of me. A part of me sympathises them as much as I could, and another part slammed with a remark that they didn't work hard enough. Some had asked me for advice, merely out of the intention to pass their time. I gave my secret openly, and shared my knowledge to all of them. Yet, they did not take the effort to better themselves. The excuse was simply, " Ah, I could not do it." So, I'm hanging between these two still thoughts.
My mind is still blank. I don't know how to express my gratitude. Maybe what my mum said was right. Good results may not be a blessing, but could be a curse. I could not share my feelings with the others, nor my joy. And yet, I could not go deep rooted into their feelings to share their part of disappointment. It's kinda lonely on top of the mountain, and cold too. I wonder if that is what I'd sacrificed for a so-called better future. I don't know, but if that is the sacrifice that had to be made, I'd to admit I would have to do it. I'm sorry, not that I let go of my friends, but I could not share the same vision as most of you. I am the sole mind of myself, and nothing will ever stop that. Call me the lone warrior, but I will fight beside you when you really do need me.

5A's. So now what? As the destination unfolds, the memories flashed back to the days during the journey. The days I had sacrificed my leisure time for the sake of a unknown destination. The fact that my tears fell off during the STPM was something hard to forget. Not of love, this time, but of disappointment. I cried because I did quite badly for my Maths T paper 1. I'd only taken 3 papers by then, being Biology paper 1 and 2, and Maths T1. I succumbed under such pressure that I'd exerted on myself. I've been on the peak of depression. My health isn't that good, and the constant headaches tried to prevent me from facing the exam. I slogged through, but still I had succumbed when I'd took the paper. I knew I was tired. I fell tears in front of my parents as I told them. Deep down, I felt that I'd let them down. They have never ask for anything, but I wish I could make them proud. They kept silent, neither did they scold me. They were there to support me, and the words that were vivid in my head.
" Son, I do not wish you to be at the top, for you will be cold and lonely up there."
The kind of morale support was so nice that it soothes my soul. But other problems arises then. My brain was totally blank, as if I'd not study Physics nor Chemistry. I had to start from basics again, relearning everything I could in 3 days, progressively. The MCQ paper will be tested after the 3 days, and the writing part the next week. I felt dejected, as I was like a baby, learning how to walk and run. It took time, and my confidence ran low. Pengajian Am was something I need to study too. Juggling 3 subjects in 3 days, I found myself picking everything up as fast as I could. At least I could score my MCQ and PA essays and Kenegaraan part. The painstaking process was somewhat testing the ability to stand back up after a fall. The determination was barely minimal, and I almost gave up. But my parents' support kept me going on and on. At least I should try my best.
4 months later, now. 5A's is the bittersweet victory. I'd scored the best 5A's, but my paper 3 Chemistry got an A-. Gone were the perfect score, and I missed out the chance to be with the other 20 people who got perfect score in STPM 2005. I cursed my luck, but deep down inside, I knew, I'm lucky. Not many can score that well, what else just missed an A by chance. The marks for the internal assessed paper 3 Chemistry might had been pull down by MPM. Mr. Lim said I'd supposed to get an A, as I had the 2nd highest marks. Somehow, only the top marks, Rui Ven got an A for the paper. The consolation from my mum were th same, never be on top of the mountain, otherwise you'd be cold and lonely. I accepted it as my fate, for maybe it would be a blessing in disguise.

90 minutes. The length of a football match. As the time preceed over injury time, the results will be final.

20 hours left. I knew I'd lost all hopes. No phone calls to home. No news. If I'd get good result, there should be phone calls now. Hurm..Looks like HELP, here I come. A brand new journey awaits me. I wonder how my life could be so exciting. Always full of twists and turns. My mind is just a piece of blank sheet, awaiting the colors to paint it. I wonder how will it be like? This will be a short blog, just to express my frustration of waiting.

36 hours left. The fate is just waiting, and I knew that I won't be doing that really well. Reason? If you are doing well, the ministry will call you to attend the press conference days before the actual result day. So, it means no perfect score. And most probably, no straight A's. So, how 'well' did I fare is in question, but not in jeopardy. It was my goal to achieve a perfect score, and definitely, it WAS. A thing of the past, which I had put behind me. In the end, I still find that what makes me attracted to is business. The financial doctor is far challenging and tedious than the medical doctor. Perhaps, I would be going HELp again this time, to do the UoL external degree programme. Again? Well, I don't put away the possibility. Looks like as my parents suggested, I would be doing the ACCA programme simultaneously, if possible. Heck, the ACCA can be finished within 10 years validity. So, I can take my own sweet time. Maybe I'll be going to UK if I manage to get good results for my 1st year, allowing me entry into LSE if possible, as a 'twinning' programme. So later on, I would have to pursue the ICAEW, the gold standard of accountants, better than ACCA and CIMA. The problem is, they accept entry from degree holders with at least a 2nd class upper honors. So, only if I still had the enthuasism to chase after a good result will get me there. So, in total, it will take about 10 years? Uh oh, being a finacial doctor takes that long, eh? Oh my god..
So, having drawn out the plan, I know where I will be heading if I did not get good grades. I mean, perfect grades. However, the major setback is that I've not made much plan in the event that I manage to get a perfect score or sufficient to enter local U medic. I will be cursing myself if the plan goes awry, meaning that it seems that I'm planning to fail. Well, it can't be considered a failure, just that science has always made me looks as if I'm out of place. I do not look like a scientist, so why should I try hard? So, I'll take it as how it comes, no matter what. I won't be crying, nor jumping in excitement, because I've prepared plans for both. Well, unless there is a 3rd outcome, which I failed all of STPM, I'll give a blank look. Uh oh...

I've been playing basketball this morning, with Kin Hou, Kevin Wee, Wai Hing and most of the gang. There's a new basketball court in Wangsa Budi area, so I figure I could do some checling out. Nice court, still new, but the baskeball board had not been painted the 'square' thing yet. It's kinda shorter than the Seksyen 5 court too. Then again, quite a big court, at least with the basketball court's lines there. The semi circle, etc. Guess I had not been playing for so long. After almost 3 years, I could say that today I play a slightly active basketball. My stamina plummet to an all time low, my reflex are so slow, and gosh, I can even prodeuce an accurate jump shot just 1 metre form the basket. I am so embarassed. Haha.. Anyway, I do enjoy it very much, because I have not exercise for so long, running around like a happy fool. Guess I need to practise on my jump shots and my trademark long hookshot.
By now, I'm quite tired liao, but seem happy. Maybe it's true of some article that I'd read some time back. When we exercise, our body produce some hormone which stimulate a part of the brain to produce the 'happiness' feeling. God damn me for not remembering what it is. I've return everything back to the lecturers with interest. So, I can't really recall much. Just as long as I felt free from the books that I'd confined myself to, for a long time. The real birds chirping on the grass field, or the cats which intimately kissed each other when they met (A very cute sight), the feel of the sunlight burning your skin, as the sweat from your body evaporate into thin air. Drenching myself in some cold water will be the most comfortable feeling. The laughter of the people who were playing, that so much relieve the tension I had ebnn holding for years. I felt calmness, and away from the world's rat race.
No matter what, my body still aches, my feet have not recover from the tireness or injury sustained for walking too much in Pizza Hut. I cursed myself for being a wimp, but I realised, it was not my fault. The working conditions were far from normal, though I would like to endure it and held my head high, saying that I'd gone through it without problem. Too bad, I can't, but I think it's ok. I'm helping my dad with his audit work now.
Tomorrow will be SPM results day. Maybe I will want to go and have a look, enjoying the atmosphere? I did not have the chance during my time, because I was in NS. I just want to meet some teachers, say Hi, and be happy for those who are taking the results. I wish them all the best. And soon, it will be mine, in 5 days. How am I now? Stikll nothing felt yet. Maybe it's because my destiny has almost been outlined clearly, and I had no regret for whichever path I'm taking.

Alright. I find it weird, because I had been looking around for blogs to read lately. Most blogs are written by girls, if you notice. My friends? Mostly girls who writes them. I can give you the never ending list. Peng Le, Joanne, Mei Wen, Ezen, Yvonne, Cherlynn, and the list goes on and on. Guys? Maybe only Wai Sun and Loh Kong who blog once in a blue moon. Oh well? It makes me wondering about my self-identity. *Peeping in my pants* Phew, that confirms that I'm normal, and still a guy. Sometimes, a blog could tell the stories, or the life of a person. I'm afraid that I'll lost my memories one day, and hope this will help. Unfortunately, I don't think so because I don't tell my daily life, and everything here is almost abstract. I could at least tell about myself, now?
Wong Yee Ming, born in the year of Tiger in Chinese zodiac, and bears the Leo star zodiac. Being a tiger and a lion, it sure is kind of fearsome and ruthless. Truth? I do somehow have a part of the traits, but not all. I'm hot-tempered sometimes, but other than that, I always keep my cool. I have the arrogant attitude at times (Symbol of Leo) which I finds annoying, but I can't really help it. Or the attitude 'tidak mahu kalah' that shoots me up the academic world which sometimes I find myself do not fit in. I take almost everything too serious. My leisure activities are also taken seriously, what else my studies. Nothing excites me more than complexity, and i always strive hard to be the best. Then again, I found my mind rationalizing things at times. The mind acts to balance the inequality of attitude. deep inside, I'm no more than a purring little kitten. The fact that I likes to be the centre of attention could not escape me, but I start to control it as I age and mature with time. I know my heart is too kind at times, or you can say I'm soft hearted. The cold looks that I wear on weren't my real appearances, but to fend off those liars. Soon, as I realised, that I may had split personality. maybe it's too harsh a word. I should say sometimes there can be 3 persons in me. The inner child, me myself, and the wise-mind person. At least, each acted to balance myself, for now.
Studies? I am neither a genius nor a smart ass. I was trained, inculcated with the habit of reading since I was a kid. My parents did not bother about my studies actually. You won't see them acting like my neighbours who constantly check their children's homework, or teaching them at night. I laze around, playing the fool, and enjoyed my schooling years without pressure. So when did I boomed? Maybe in form 3. I realised that I could not be the best, and my hard effort in form 3 could not lead me to the top. (I hate losing) I vowed to do my best for my SPM. The turbo boost? It came after the PMR results, when everyone got the same results, 7A's. Mine looks worthless, so I made another resolution, to be the Tokoh Pelajar for SPM. My great ambitions brought me quite far, but along with its stress. Everything has its consequences. It never occur to me that STPM brought far stressful life to me. I am greatly depressed, although I refused to admit it. I worked real hard, studying up to 14 hours a day(including schooling hours). I kept pushing myself over the limits. The reward? I don't know. Results will be out next Thursday, and I know that I could change nothing by now. I've really tried my best and gave my positive thinking. So, I guess there is nothing to be regreted. Before this, I seek a way of escapism, because I could not face the reality. Now, I stood tall with pride, facing it, and fear not the consequences. Perhaps, that was what that had made me a man.
Guess I should be stopping now, and I don't give a damn care about people who do not know of the existence of this blog. You might stumble upon it one day, but at least, not for the near fututre.

Alright. 7 days left. What do I feel now? I'm trying to record down all my feelings during the countdown. Well, I'm kinda immune to all those anxiety by now. I've no feelings anymore. Today, at least. After the long wait, my ambitions are long gone. I don't even feel being a medical practitioner. I've been helping my dad lately with his accounts. I mean, he does the audit work for companies, so I get to help him with it. It's kinda fun, so maybe I'll consider accounting as my life job. So, I can be in the business field? Hurm.. Still considering. Options options options. I just hope that those god-damned council could release the results faster. Zzzzz...

Hmm...9 more days to go. I'm not really sure what I'm expecting. I've written part of my feelings in the friendster blog. But the largest ambition? Not really. I really hope that I would get 5A's in STPm. Not just an ordinary 5A result, the one with perfect score!! Meaning? I want to score A for every paper including paper 1, paper 2,etc. And the highest goal? To be the top scorer!! Yay.. I know it sounds a bit absurd, but nothing is impossible if you think you can.*wink* But then, after thinking a while, I think 5A is also very good liao. Why? I asked myself, so what do I get if I get perfect score, be the top scorer. Nothing, only self satisfaction, and a temporary glimpse of fame. I once thought I will be famous if I become the top scorer. But know what? I can't even name a single top scorer from the past years. What a shame. So it means, I'm going to be forgotten too if I had a chance to be one. Why strive so hard? Enjoy life and live it to the fullest. I always tell this to myself, but I always forget. But nevermind, I had made up my mind to accept whatever the outcome of the results. I'm crossing all my fingers and toes...

2nd day at home after quiting Pizza Hut. At least, I'm quite relaxed now. Or a bit lazy. Alright. Been glued on the computer for hours by now, and with nothing else to do. It's raining heavily outside along with thunderstorms, which means I should be switching off my computer , but I didn't(Obviously). So now, I'm still lazing around at home, maybe I'm going out tomorrow to have a walk by myself. To where? I don't know. But I like the kind of feeling, wondering aimlessly, watching the surrounding people, hassling under the hot sun, with buzzing activities especially on Petaling Street. Sometimes, the night scene is better. Under the gentle moonlight, greeted by the many shining stars, the cold fresh air seem to soothe one's soul and mind. The neon lights turned on, decorating the whole city like a christmas tree. What a wonderful view. And occasionally, couples walked by holding hands, whispering to each other's ears, giggling along their way, as if they are the only people in the whole world. The sounds of turbo engine from modified vehicles made an unwanted blare on the streets, which otherwise seem quiet. So tomorrow, here I come. I'm looking forward towards you.