Temptations & Ambitions

Tik..Tok.... The time bomb ticks every second. No one knows when it's going to explode. The legs had been shaking, and I'm sure I'd swallowed a thousand liters of saliva. The heart almost went still the moment the brain freezes. In countless situations, I was walking on a tight rope, and never failed to be amazed that I'm still balancing still fine. Still fine for the moment.

And that is what I felt like facing in the Ophthalmology posting. Somehow, it reminded me of O&G. Perhaps the similarity of the initials (O) played a part in the bad luck. Bad in the sense that, I'm forced to work the extra mile to survive. Maybe it's good for me that I'm working my a$$ off the calories, but it sure ain't good for the heart.

This would be the first posting where I'm having to do a case write up without the patient's notes, and seeing the patient once in the clinic. ONLY. My supervisor said it's going to be too bad for me because what I see would be what I get. And that was my 3rd day in posting, 2nd day in clinic, and 1st day with my supervisor in clinic. I'm not even sure what was I seeing, and there it goes. She promised that our mini-CEx would solely depend on our skills in fundoscopy, which a lack of skills which guarantee a failure. Hmmph.. I'm not sure if I should be grateful or fretful over such "good treatement". The thought of resitting a minor posting did occur now that I've seen my chances to pass as a glimpse of hope. God knows how long will it take for me to learn to appreciate the fundoscopic findings. My eyes are squinting towards the end, and I'm not even sure of the results of such hard work.

Where is the bed of roses in the Triad posting? I've had 2 supervisors who are enthuasistic to teach and drill us and made sure it's no honeymoon, while the rest seem to be having joy through their Triad. Is Triad really a minor posting? It felt like a super major posting after all.

I'm sure at some point of time, most of us became avid readers. Such popularity was the book that we sat day and night to finish the book, or bringing it along everywhere we go. During meal time, in the toilet, on the train, walking back from the mall, or perhaps, while driving in a traffic jam.

But, sometimes, have we forgotten about mannerism? If there is such a rule, I would call it the book etiquette. While some may seem harmless, what we actually did was to deprive ourselves from the joy in life. Can you imagine yourself reading during meal time? I've seen many grownups father figures (not mine though) reading the newspaper while waiting for the wife to feed their children. If and only if the father would have put it down and talk and interact with is children, I'm sure he'll be able to see the joy of the family bond, and not by regretting having to miss it. Nowadays, even school children read their school books while eating with their family, whether inside or out of the house. Such is the kiasuness that most of them had, which does not even guarantee better results.

And sure, this had gave birth to a younger generation who wouldn't even look up as they gaze intensely at the book while talking to you. Is there any manners if you are at the receiving end?

Or in the toilet. Do you have any idea that many claimed reading while sitting in the toilet creates more constipation problem than you would have thought? But that's not my argument, but I just think that reading memory should be associated with better smell memory. Plus, I've seen many eating Nasi Lemak in the toilet in my secondary school. Maybe the extra "flavor" tasted good after all!!

Reading on a public transport may be a good idea if it's too long a journey. But this should be limited to light materials such as magazines. However, being one of those with motion sickness, I am not in favor of such habit. Unless you are sitting down, you should be aware of your surroundings while taking public transport, as pickpockets are always on the loose, regardless of where you are. The same goes for those who read while walking. You might be knocked down by any vehicles as you cross the road, or the foul victims of snatch thefts and robbery. These acts are done preferentially on those who are less alert, mind you. The robbers and thieves aren't exactly that stupid to not notice. So, don't blame anyone but yourself when you became such a victim. And reading while driving? That's even worse than drink and drive or on the phone while driving.

Reading should be done in proper places, where comfort lies, as it is of pure enjoyment. Reading in malls may seem somewhat attractive as claimed by Abby Wong in her article in The Star, but her somewhat weird fetish for "Guys who read in public" is a baseless recommendation. Instead of helping out with groceries, the guy may choose to read instead. Such typical male act would not be tolerated if found to be true, as it is just a method of escapism from duty.

What in the end, I am not discouraging people from reading. Read all you want, even porns if you fancy them, and I don't mind a little, but please be reminded of your book etiquette.

Found these few pictures, so I'd figured updating it would be nice.

The final week of ENT posting where there are more registrars (Masters student) in the wards due to their impending exam.

As a matter of fact, I went Jogoya last week with my parents and my dear. A combined father-mother day celebration, and everything's on me including the twin seats in Pavillion for Anghels and Demons later. But truth to be said, after so many thumbs up from blogs and friends, I'd a hard time swallowing it down. A big letdown, probably due to its quality.

Perhaps Jogoya was at its prime, years back, but definitely not now. Firstly, there are VIP counters with food reserved, which made it a no-no in customer service. Secondly, I would say Jogoya would have been a fine display of decent food for its price. It's definitelt not fine cuisine as mentioned by many others. Maybe it's due to the fact there many have not really tried what is FINE afterall. Among many choices, I would have said that only a few made to the passing list, the baked tomato seafood cheese, potato wedges (which KFC would have done a much better job), the coconut juices with their recycled shells, and the other beverage section. The satay was way off with normal Maggi Mee curry sauce, and any Station One cafe can outperform Jogoya in terms of steaks and meat. in short, none of it was outstanding, which I have to give credit Saisaki which would have done a better job with half the price. the list of dissatisfaction grew so much, and I figured even a meal in Smokehouse would have been a much better choice, a small but enjoyable quantity.

And none of the meat were fresh.


Fine display of plastic "shark fins" and fake abalones which taste normal that even "Lala" would taste better.

A bunch of "freshly" stir-fried golden needle mushrooms lumped with too much flavoring and tasted terrible.

A generally 3/10 for Jogoya. Or perhaps my expectations were really too high.

Nevertheless, Angels and Demons was a fine movie with spectacular scenery. It's better than Da Vinci Code movie in terms of storyflow despite its rushing ending. But none should expect more for a 2 hour movie. I'll recommend those who would prefer a better story, to read the book. Movies are after all, just a snipped version of the novel.

All in all, spent Rm400 on that day, so at least the movie was a redemption of the previous not-so-fortunate incident. Well, at least my parents were happy, and it has been really some time since they'd entered a cinema. So, I guess that's worth it. :P

It was my first day in Ophthalmology posting today. For the first 10 minutes into briefing, I was almost very sure that I hated this posting. Eyes, are just eyes, it seems. The coordinator did not make it welcoming for us to be there. It promised misery so true that we'll wish we would not be there. And the rules and regulations? Crappy.

But soon, I was proven to be wrong after all (Glad it was). In the clinics, the doctors were friendly and willing to teach to us. Never mind our supervisor wasn't there, but we learned what we came to learn. Too bad that I could not appreciate any, and blind as a bat we could be as. There were many findings, enough to fill in a third of my 20 requirements of fundoscopy findings, if and only if we knew how to appreciate them. But that's besides the point.

There was this elderly man who came for follow up. All I knew was there was something wrong wit his lens, I guess. Something ICOL or like that, perhaps spelled backwards or anything. He was asking for guidance on cleaning his wife's eyes. There, the doctor was correcting him for he caused pain to his wife, which lead to a much more heated argument, as he claimed. Despite being taught the proper way, he was reluctant to help his wife, for admiting a mistake took a lot from his ego.

And there the doctor had to do a counselling job. Marriage counselling it seems. Ways to "tackle" the issue so the husband would help his wife. Ways such as explaining to the wife that it was an "alternative" method to clean his wife's eyes which was taught by the doctor. And ways to fish out his love for his wife from the sea of egoism. It wasn't an easy persuasion, but it sure was cute looking at a 60+ years old man acting like a kid when it comes to ego.

And there was this case of a 12 year old child coming for a followup. Her left eye was injured. Child abuse. The dad and her step mum did the unthinkable. And there I was disgusted at the thought of the father who was heartless. Until I heard that it was a doing from a hammer by her father. That is just way beyond the soul of a living being. Poor daughter who had almost been blinded by the hammer of the father's doings. What was he thinking?

There were many more interesting cases which can be seen in the clinic. One thing for sure, I was glad I was there. In the clinic, we "see" the world through the eyes of the patients. And we, became the eyes of the society, to observe and watch the flow of time. It sure does look interesting, but I'll have to make sure I'm finished with the requirements of the posting. Otherwise, I'll be "able" to come here AGAIN. (Note: There's no ophthalmology posting in 5th year)

Life is all about making a difference. A difference with a sense of satisfaction when you knew that you were a part of it.

And that's what I think my life should be about.

Back in my secondary school, I believed that not all national schools are crappy. Despite others saying that a better future and results are ensured in prestigious schools such as VI (Very Idiot) or St John, etc, I enrolled in one. The school was on the down side with its poor performance, and I got a decent good results in SPM with 10A1s. It (and also better results from juniors) was enough to motivate the school to perform better, and to believe that it is not impossible after all. The teachers were happy since then, and students flocked to enroll in our secondary school. Of course, I was happy for 2 reasons: I got Rm200 from a decent results (while prestigious schools in KL would only award you a cert/trophy/plaque), and I got to make a difference. The sense of satisfaction that follow through was sweet back then. And that was the tiny little difference I was happy to make.

Well, that didn't end there as I continued the deed in college for STPM. I wasn't the first, but it gave hope to the teachers that their efforts were not in vain. Still, it was another sweet moment back then, where I had made a difference still, and not just filling in the numbers.

Until now, I still had the same feeling for where I lived. Not in academic sense now that it's not of a major relevance. I'd felt the duty to serve (but not blindly) the country I lived in, despite many of its major flaws. True, discrimination happens at times, but it happens everywhere in the world. Why would that stop us from being indifferent? Despite all the racism chants that were hurled almost everyday, deep down inside, we are all Malaysians. That would not change a single fact about it. Malaysia, afterall, is a multicultural country with a diversified population apart from its diverse flora and fauna.

If our country is weak and flawed, it is us who should work hard to improve it. Each country had its stages of development and go through the changes and growth. So, why are we running away to neigboring countries to enjoy their "development"? Can't we help out in our very own country? Can't each and every one of us make a difference here, instead of making the numbers in neighboring countries?

Help our own people. Rally for a change if we had to.

But I can't force everyone to accept my views.

Afterall, the grass is always greener on the other side...
Because we were too busy looking instead of tending the grass on our side.

Sometimes, the mind can be deceptive. Sometimes, it tells a tale far from the truth. And sometimes, it rather believe in outrageous lies rather than the cold hard truth. And let me share with you a recent encounter of mine.

I was on my way back from Laman Midah to hostel. With some "heavy" footwork which leaves more carbon footprint. As usual, the traffic was slow, and the eye wanders off somewhere over the horizon.

Then there was this car in front of me. It was shaking furiously from side to side while it was on the go. As it stopped at the junction, it was basically "bouncing" up and down, straining its suspension. And there I was, puzzled by the incident. What the hell was going on?

There was a guy at the back seat. He was facing me, the driver behind the car. I guess he was the one causing the lateral and vertical movement of the car. even through the window, I can see the man in specs nodding his head up and down, and then trying some manouever up and down, from slow and steady, building up a momentum which seems to be more furious as he continued. Not long after, another man sat up at the same level. He was in a messy state as well, the hair was rather messy from all the God-knows-what-they-were-doing stuff.

And there were so many questions running through my mind.

If you'd ask me, my first impression wasn't that clean, I gotta admit. What can 2 men be doing in the back seat bouncing up and down and in a messy state?

Well, it went on for quite a few minutes as I followed the car. I guess no one can be that athletic for such a long time non-stop. It looked more like an act of desperation. An act where it seems life and death seems of the main concern.

Till then was when it struck my mind. They came from Laman Midah. And the car seems to be going in the same direction as mine.

The hospital.

I guess after all, it was a resuscitation effort. CPR. Laman Midah apartments meant one thing: They are medical personnel at least, a place where UKMMC personnel and students hog a major part of the place. Maybe there was someone who needs resuscitation. I saw them heading towards A&E, but my curiosity did not seem to get the better of me. I've been traumatized by my initial thoughts, and I'd rather let it have a rest. And that was the case of a misunderstanding.

So next time, do not believe what you see. Things may not always be what they seem to be.
I may look fat, but to be honest, I am lean and muscular. :P