Temptations & Ambitions

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium. In general, you prefer to have only one love interest. But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long! There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is medium. You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love... But you've definitely been burned enough to know better. You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist. Independence: Your independence is medium. In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time." You usually find it easy to be part of a couple. But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

I'm so dead. University life is creeping towards me, and I doubt I will be able to cope up. Laziness has started to cover me all over, and I just don't know what is the goal of my life. Ups and downs in my life has made me all immune. And I'm blabbing without aim here. The problem is that I can't pour out anything here too, because someone will find this too. G*d, what should I do?

Sad case. I should be happy with my results, but it fades as quick as I got it. There is nothing I could boast of, because I know it will hurt others. I felt a tingle of symphaty for others, because they didn't do as well. If the grades had been lenient as I thought because the ygave me A's, why did the others couldn't get it? Is it because they didn't do enough to ensure it? Perhaps, that is the irony part of me. A part of me sympathises them as much as I could, and another part slammed with a remark that they didn't work hard enough. Some had asked me for advice, merely out of the intention to pass their time. I gave my secret openly, and shared my knowledge to all of them. Yet, they did not take the effort to better themselves. The excuse was simply, " Ah, I could not do it." So, I'm hanging between these two still thoughts.
My mind is still blank. I don't know how to express my gratitude. Maybe what my mum said was right. Good results may not be a blessing, but could be a curse. I could not share my feelings with the others, nor my joy. And yet, I could not go deep rooted into their feelings to share their part of disappointment. It's kinda lonely on top of the mountain, and cold too. I wonder if that is what I'd sacrificed for a so-called better future. I don't know, but if that is the sacrifice that had to be made, I'd to admit I would have to do it. I'm sorry, not that I let go of my friends, but I could not share the same vision as most of you. I am the sole mind of myself, and nothing will ever stop that. Call me the lone warrior, but I will fight beside you when you really do need me.

5A's. So now what? As the destination unfolds, the memories flashed back to the days during the journey. The days I had sacrificed my leisure time for the sake of a unknown destination. The fact that my tears fell off during the STPM was something hard to forget. Not of love, this time, but of disappointment. I cried because I did quite badly for my Maths T paper 1. I'd only taken 3 papers by then, being Biology paper 1 and 2, and Maths T1. I succumbed under such pressure that I'd exerted on myself. I've been on the peak of depression. My health isn't that good, and the constant headaches tried to prevent me from facing the exam. I slogged through, but still I had succumbed when I'd took the paper. I knew I was tired. I fell tears in front of my parents as I told them. Deep down, I felt that I'd let them down. They have never ask for anything, but I wish I could make them proud. They kept silent, neither did they scold me. They were there to support me, and the words that were vivid in my head.
" Son, I do not wish you to be at the top, for you will be cold and lonely up there."
The kind of morale support was so nice that it soothes my soul. But other problems arises then. My brain was totally blank, as if I'd not study Physics nor Chemistry. I had to start from basics again, relearning everything I could in 3 days, progressively. The MCQ paper will be tested after the 3 days, and the writing part the next week. I felt dejected, as I was like a baby, learning how to walk and run. It took time, and my confidence ran low. Pengajian Am was something I need to study too. Juggling 3 subjects in 3 days, I found myself picking everything up as fast as I could. At least I could score my MCQ and PA essays and Kenegaraan part. The painstaking process was somewhat testing the ability to stand back up after a fall. The determination was barely minimal, and I almost gave up. But my parents' support kept me going on and on. At least I should try my best.
4 months later, now. 5A's is the bittersweet victory. I'd scored the best 5A's, but my paper 3 Chemistry got an A-. Gone were the perfect score, and I missed out the chance to be with the other 20 people who got perfect score in STPM 2005. I cursed my luck, but deep down inside, I knew, I'm lucky. Not many can score that well, what else just missed an A by chance. The marks for the internal assessed paper 3 Chemistry might had been pull down by MPM. Mr. Lim said I'd supposed to get an A, as I had the 2nd highest marks. Somehow, only the top marks, Rui Ven got an A for the paper. The consolation from my mum were th same, never be on top of the mountain, otherwise you'd be cold and lonely. I accepted it as my fate, for maybe it would be a blessing in disguise.

90 minutes. The length of a football match. As the time preceed over injury time, the results will be final.

20 hours left. I knew I'd lost all hopes. No phone calls to home. No news. If I'd get good result, there should be phone calls now. Hurm..Looks like HELP, here I come. A brand new journey awaits me. I wonder how my life could be so exciting. Always full of twists and turns. My mind is just a piece of blank sheet, awaiting the colors to paint it. I wonder how will it be like? This will be a short blog, just to express my frustration of waiting.