Temptations & Ambitions

The current world is really unsafe, as one can say. Crime rate is on the rise faster than the bull run, and no one is really safe. Nowadays, the thieves had gone down a grade of their guilt-conscience. Your-money-or-your-life phrase is on the brink of extinction, replaced by your-money-AND-your-life. They slash or stab their prey before fleeting the valuables, regardless of strong, weak, males, females or even the disabled ones. The security of our nation is threatened by our very own political struggles, with the blame put on both sides. The police had to struggle with the unnecessary political turmoil caused by the opposition, having to beef up the security in their everyday "ceramahs" with nothing new but to spread hatred. Not to mention that there are also problems in the Police department previously led by a minister who had to withdraw forces from Chow Kit just because for fear of police safety. Such humor never failed to enrage the public, and God gracious that that our PM felt he had enough of the folly, thus replacing the minister.

Had we been too lenient with the criminals? Such "industry" had been too rampant and lucrative, and we can see the moduc operandi utilizing all sorts of middle-range cars which no doubt could be stolen vehicles, but they are no longer on foot. Had the computer games such as Grand Theft Auto affect them in such a way that hijacking became a favorite past time? Even then, there are foreigners such as from Bangladesh involved in the syndicate, as the leader who waits in the car would usually be a local, as seen in my neiborhood, where a Chinese man driving off his 4 Bangladesh accomplices off after a failed attempt of breaking in.

For once, Rukun Tetangga seem to be a plausible idea in such time of chaos. But the limitations of manpower and the relatively large group iof accomplices meant that Rukun Tetangga members had to be patrolling in larger groups, which may not sound feasible at all. Furthermore, such crimes are no longer restricted to night time as they are daring to act in broad daylight. Even Rukun Tetangga can't be effective if it had to take up 24 hours a day of patrolling. So what can really be done?

Perhaps, time shall tell. Let us be the history of the future to teach our future generations what can be done. Or maybe we should really stigmatized criminals and deny them medical treatment and allow the survival of the honest, which may be a desperate attempt that may sound feasible when things really got out of control.

Until then, let us listen to a somewhat "light dark humor". An 88 years old man was killed by his 84 years old roommate in an Old Folk's Home in Penang. And here we thought that raging hormones are long gone in the oldies, and i wonder what could be the sentence of the 84 year old be getting. Would it be a life-time jail or death sentence? It could no longer matters for that man, since either is just a short sentence perhaps before his demise. One thing is for sure, they may argue over religious matters, but I'm sure he won't be getting a spot where he'd hoped to be. Now that's an irony.

In slightly more than a week's time, I'll be continuing my 4th year in Medicine, what seems to be an impossible and far away journey a few years back. Even till now, I am still unsure if I had mustered enough strength and courage to face it all over again. To beef up for what may lies awaiting us in the next two years. Sometimes, I got myself too busy (intended) such that I'd no time to look far ahead in the future. The mess, the uncertainties which may twirl up and hit you at the back of your head as you frantically search a way out of it.

Somehow, after 9 weeks of break with elective posting and vacations, the Year 3 seem to be rather distant. It felt as if it had happened a long time ago. All those seemingly endless misery, struggles, and leisure passed by like the breeze, and I reckoned perhaps it could be the same with Year 4 & 5. There wasn't anymore riduculously "free" time nowadays, and any break at any time would be welcomed.

But I guess the posting that I'll never forget would be O&G. The posting which really instill fear, along with its ala military discipline and some cranky for nothing doctors which happen to cluster in a certain ward. And the labor room experience which nothing can buy and no one hope to endure it again.

As a guy, I'm pretty sure my libido went on free fall for the whole duration and at least 3 months after the O&G posting. The gory scene, enhanced by the sight and smell along with the midwives' aid in activating the punishment center in the brain, making it a hard to forget torture of all time.It occured to me that I might have lost my male function, but the "morning sign" was the only assurance that it was all in the state of mind. Given such a depressing experience, I wonder if I'll be getting sexual dysfunction had I ever become an O&G specialist in the future.

So for now, let's just hope there is no such posting in Year 4. :P

For decades, men had been associated with ego. We called men who can't get hold of their own heads, egoists. And this cycle occurs over and over again as we named others egoists while failing to see what may have been snug deep down ourselves without realizing it. And so, I was been told to be an egoist recently, along with traits which I found to have no similarities with what I called as egoist. In fact, I do see him as an egoist too, but in different aspects. And that made me pondered for a moment, and I'd asked myself, "How do we define ego?"

A brief wiki-ing revealed the idea of ego:

The Ego comprises that organized part of the personality structure which includes defensive, perceptual, intellectual-cognitive, and executive functions. Conscious awareness resides in the ego, although not all of the operations of the ego are conscious. The ego separates what is real. It helps us to organize our thoughts and make sense of them and the world around us. - Snowden 2006, p. 105.

And yet, according to Freud, an Austrian Psychiatrist:
Ego mediates among the id, the super-ego and the external world. Its task is to find a balance between primitive drives and reality (the Ego devoid of morality at this level) while satisfying the id and super-ego. Its main concern is with the individual safety and allows some of the id's desires to be expressed, but only when consequences of these actions are marginal.

In short, ego can somehow be described as a balance of IQ and EQ put together. And if the physiological balance is disrupted, you'll have the pathological(diseased) state of ego, which we normally regard as the misconceived idea of "ego".

And that is to clear the misconceived idea of ego, as we now proceed to the foot (not food) for thoughts writings.

Generally, anything a male does according to his own beliefs would be labeled as ego regardless of whether he is right or wrong. Many a time of course, males refuse to give in, which gave rise to the idea of ego in the first place. But with the modernizing and the females' manipulative usage of the word "ego" to get things done their way, many males flinched at the impending sight of the possible branding of "ego". These new breed of males shirk the duty of rationalization and follow through with whatsoever the females demands and thus lead to the mentality that failure to comply with even a single woman's term is regarded as being an egoist.

Well, this would be good news for females, for you have a new breed of free drivers, free companions-when-you-are-bored, and perhaps at times, a free magical card which does not requires repayment(and definitely no worries) while you shop.

But dear female readers, do ponder a little. Is the guy you love the most gives you everything in the world and never said no? Well, fairy tales and your TV does not count, of course, but I guess you'll get my point. Sometimes your significant other have to say no too. Life is a reality where only you seek for the perfection while it avoids you for eternal. (probably due to the fact that the perfection is seeking for perfection as well, which is definitely not you)

Regardless, I am not blaming it on the females, but there are a few who sees and managed to cash in on this opportunity.

Back to the male readers, I am not asking you to object every little thing that the females brings up. Keeping a balance is a tough art in a relationship, which makes flirting a trivial matter in comparison. Sometimes we do give and take, and rationalization has always been emphasized on countless times. The best is to think before you act. That would be the wisest thing to do. But all in all, you are not to be blamed if you failed in doing so, for I understand that we are hot-headed during the prime of our raging hormones, so keep practicing in maintaining the balance and remember to talk it out and communicate if you have conflicts with another individual.

So that ends our brief note here, putting an end to the thoughts which had been pouring more than the brain could get hold of.

Thoughts stimulant:
As the generalization goes, female always think that they are right. Is this a form of female ego?

The start of a long absence here had spurt out a great writing block. I had so many to say, but so little to write. There wasn't any time to quietly pen my thoughts as I was either too busy or too tired to concoct something out of nowhere. It's just being called counterproductive.

For the past week, I had been helping out my dear to shift out to Laman Midah. The weight of the loads sufficed to build and tone enough muscles to turn me back to pre-obese. Or perhaps, it was the weight that I had insisted on carrying at each go contributed more on the consequences. But it was not all work and no play which made Jack a dull boy. We'd been to Sunway Lagoon and KL Bird Park on mid-weeks, at least, to cheer her up, and to make do on the short tours we had vowed to go to. Other than that, it was all busy and rushing the way, whether it is for meals, to the malls for furnitures at what would be deemed absurd hours by others or to get that bus ticket back Ipoh.

So, I'll just pick a day and let you have a peep on how is it like. And let it be Thursday then.

But all was done was in sheer fun, to the least for a whole day. After travelling to Bird Park on Thursday (Photos later) in the mornings, we headed to Jalan Peel for the acclaimed famous Yong Tow Foo, struggling and happened to coincide with the lunch hour and after-school jam. A hearty meal pushed us back to Laman Midah to clean up and to make do of the room arrangements. Went to TESCO Cheras later on to get some stuff before heading back home to avoid the MRR2 off-office hours jam, and continued our out-of-the-blue carwash. Then, there was this late dinner after cleaning ourselves before going to Giant at 9.30pm looking for the fan knob which was missing from the wall fan in Laman Midah, hoping to save us the trouble of getting another wall fan. The journey continued as we strolled to Carrefour at 10pm to find them along with other necessities. Reached home at 11pm and down we fell on to our beds, dozing to Dreamland for the next adventure. It's just like having everything crammed up in each and every single day, too much things to do and too little to elaborate on.

Time flies, and we barely had time to breathe. Or it just meant that happiness speeds up time. There was not much pausity, and not much time wasted, at least. All I knew was, it's rather eventful for the week.

Below are the pics at the Bird Park and a few from the Laman Midah apartment.

Had been away for Ipoh for the weekends, staying at my dear's house. It was the most pleasant visit to Ipoh among the many I had. The hospitality from her family were great, and I'm just embarrassed to be an honorary guest. A special thanks to them.




All in all, a tired but fun trip up north of KL. At least I don't just spend time watching the E-channel. :P

I'll just keep the trip to myself then, since I'm just all tired from the trip. Until then..

Many times we seek for the "perfect" match in our lives. Many times we've been swayed from the flaws we seen in our loved ones. We tend to forget why had we fell in love in the first place, and we pursue to change your loved ones to someone whom you did not love in the first place. And all in all, we lost in our self-conflict, and our relationship ended up worse off.

And there are times when seduction was too great and there are too much Nip Tuck or Desperate Housewives series running at the back of your mind wanting some real action.

And the spectacles of midlife crisis fueled on the crisis and made our loved ones looked like monsters in our very own eyes.

We are way too young to feel this, but be assure that most of us might be going through this one day, whether if it is today, tomorrow, one year down the road, 10 years or 30 years. Perhaps the video below would help you ponder in your path of soul-searching.
This is titled Funeral, a commercial video produced from Singapore's Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports. For once, I thought I had to salute them for such a heart touching film when the Singaporeans are crappy when it comes to love(As evidenced by their low marriage rate and the film "Love Matters", which garnered the lowest rating from all Jack Neo films). I thought I would just credit the Singaporeans for such a great commercial. For once, they had some true talent which is on par with Yasmin Ahmad.

And then again, a thought came to mind and I'd searched intensely as my fingers dance across the keyboards furiously to confirm my suspicion.

Damn.. got tricked.

It is yet ANOTHER great product from Yasmin Ahmad.

Another credit to a true Malaysian, although unrecognized by the Malaysian government just because of some gender issues.

*Sigh*

Now that is what I call a lack of recognition of talent, not those chinese scholars who went to Singapore to further their studies and call themselves the geniuses who got brain-drained.