Temptations & Ambitions

"Kiasu" is a Hokkien term for being afraid to lose. While they are mainly used by islanders (Penang, Singapore, etc), the culture has spread across the straits onto mainland, namely Peninsular Malaysia. People with "Kiasu" attitudes would do whatever it takes to win, or to be better than the rest.

In medical field, there are many ways to spot a kiasu medical student. Of course, if you really stare hard, you might not see it. Or perhaps you don't have such friends. Or maybe it's because you don't have a mirror in your room, otherwise you'll see it staring back at you. So, here's some clues on how to recognise medical students who have a "kiasu" attitude.

1. You wear your white coat everywhere. In the wet market, in the hawker stall, in the clubs (unless if it's a costume party and you're too poor/lazy to get a different one), and even in the toilet while doing some mega business.
   
   
2. You OWN the ward you were assigned to. You mark your territory (could be in primitive manner) with pure hostility and warn the rest from coming to your lair. In the meantime, you travel to other people's wards feigning ignorance. "Did I?"
   
   
3. Again, you claim rights to all the patients, and shoo-ed off people so you can do your examination, just to make a FOOL of yourself, because you had no idea what the patient had. One of the most fantastic move. Ever. Defying clinical approaches of all time.
   
   
4. You RUSH to the library, to the shelf where your colleague is staring at, so you'll outcompete him/her, when there are many other available shelves of the same section, when there's only the two of you. But then, good news, the fellow colleague was staring at a wrong section out of blurness, and you follow suit, exposing your "kiasu"ness. Oops...
   
   
5. You borrow the BIGGEST and LARGEST book in the library of the particular section, and yet without the intelligence to digest it, but with the diligence to show it off to others that you are reading it. But beware, you might be in the Orthopedics, but the book you're apparently "reading" is a misplaced Gynecology text.
   
   
6. You claimed that you excel with flying colors, with a distinction in every subject, because you know how great it feels to lie and be a kiasu. Until when you'd realised the results aren't that confidential even though you hid your results slip. The office stacked the certs openly, and truth behold, when all white became all black.
   
   
7. When a fellow medical student claimed having some medical illness (probably from Medical Student syndrome, or otherwise), you must step up and declare that you had at least one illness more than them, or a handful of it. Because it wasn't out of concern, but playing up to demand more attention.
   
   
8. You made a point to ask a question at the end of the lecture, not because you have a question, but because you MUST ask a question, even if it is irrelevant and may even relate to Astronomy, in an Anatomy class.

In the end, kiasu is NOT helping you to WIN. There's no victory in any field with such kiasuness. In the end, you spend more time trying to do all these "funny" acts that you spend less time on your actual goal. Would that really be beneficial?

Now that I've put up some, I'm sure there are more from you readers. Maybe you ought to share some of the "kiasu"ness you might have encounter? :P

The holidays had made me idle. As a matter of fact, I was hibernating in my room for a week at the very least, snuggling under the cozy blanket with my lappie. Idle life is good, and so is solitude, when you've been practically forced to meet people everyday. Different onesw every time, and to introduce yourself over and over again. I wonder if I was even doing it in my sleep! And meeting nutjobs over and over again while struggling like a pond fish in the desert. And no, I don't mean the patients in Psychiatry wards, they are of the most benign and vulnerable. I'm still with the idea that Psychiatric patients are people needing help in coping with the REAL WORLD because they are not crazy enough like we normal people are. It's just part of the illness where stigmatization should not be an issue. Sick people needs treatment, just like anyone who's down with flu.

At least they can't infect you, unlike flu, STD, or laziness and yawns. *wink* *wink*

It was last Monday when we had a gathering for Flora's farewell in TGIF, Wangsa Walk Mall. Quite a number of us were there, despite the absence of a number as well, due to work, exams, being out of KL, and some other stuff they have to tend to. And there were those old times cold jokes and trying to catch up on each other's life.

And we were back in front of Wai Sun's house, the four of us. Deja vu. It was few years back when we had really gathered up like this, had some personal conversation. Then, it was Wai Sun's farewell before he departed to US. Funny how it feels, because it's hard to imagine that we're now in our 23's when we were just in our 18's and 19's back then. A lot have changed, we had 2 graduated, and the other "2" would be following suit in 2 years time. And how we've missed the good old days in school when destinies weren't unveiled, and our paths converged for a while if not for eternity.

But time wait for no man, and before long, the next time we'll be meeting each other like this, hopefully, would be before our kids came along. :P See you soon! And MSN again it shall be, with the occasional greets from me. (U know I'm not really an avid MSN chat fella)

Well, just to update some stuff in the blog with my cynicism, since I guess I might have been too proficient in it. So here are some in random order, one for each day of the week.

The holidays are up, and as usual, I laze around under the comfort of the cozy blanket, gazing at the ever dark clouds threatening with spells of tears should I set a step out of the house. Oh, mind you. It's not like I'm really up and running or in the mood for any wild tour. Not yet, at the very least. I'm still in a daze of what to do in such a season. The 1st week of my 2 weeks break is up soon, and all I'd do was recuperating for the past 4 days. Oh yeah, my last paper was on Monday, while the results was already out since yesterday. An amazing attempt by the academic department to rush things for the coming festive season. In fact, it must have been true that the last examiner might have some choreiform move which jerk his/her hand so low as to draw the passing line. Otherwise, I wouldn't think we would be able to survive the onslaught of such papers in ENT, Ophthalmology and Anesthesiology.

What are my plans for my holidays? I'll just make sure to rest enough for the next "onslaught". Meanwhile, some exercise should shapen up my soon-to-be spherical butt. You'll always be amazed by the fact that 5 years of sitting can cause such a harm. With the many recent news of doctors dying in their 50's of medical condition, it is high time for us to reflect on why are the supposedly caregivers are the first on the casualty list. Could it be the effect of the lifestyle doctors took pride in prancing in the hospital 36 hours nonstop, or the dedicated ones who almost never spend a minute away from the hospital apart from their sleeping hours? Or the health hazard stemming from their social hazards deemed unfit to be told, from all sorts of maladaptive coping behavior to stress, from within and out of work? That, we'll have no idea to it.

But all I know is, let's all take it at a slow pace. Rest and relax, and enjoy life as it is. No, it doesn't mean going for booze or clubs, for it is also a form of maladaptive behavior of a weak mind. Read a book, a walk in the park, a swim in the pool, spending some quality time with fellow family members and get a good laugh in the cinema and social gatherings (again, away from booze and the smokers from hell). It's not a sign of aging, but take it as a sign of maturity. For once, you might find joy in life which you might have never found before.

"I think I'm too old to study ady, y cant medic b a 3-year course?" - Koh Ging

The words rang in my head as I stared long into the screen. When was the last time when we truly enjoyed flipping the books, sniffing the smell of the new book while disregarding the number of trees being chopped off every year to sustain our zest? When was the last time we truly enjoyed the adrenaline rush into the stream of our lives?

As much as I can say, exams were never meant to be fun. A tool to gauge our "abilities" and knowledge, we strolled past the years of exam with optimism. The fiery desire to excel were burning deep in our hearts upon arrival of exams, giving an extra push to the final line. And then, there we were, savoring at every moment of peace right after, before another gradual inclination for the next goal, perhaps in 1-2 years time. It was then when we enjoyed life as it was, the acquisition of knowledge had never been even more fun.

And then, somehow, enter medical life. The continuous stream of exams almost every month to 2 months of a totally new field. Chucked into another part of the ocean once you barely swam to safety. And the continuous minor depressions accumulating over the years, threatening to bare its fang into something major, to bring you down with its gnashing teeth. "Oh, what a sight," you would think.

And by now, it seems age has caught up with us. While throngs of our friends were graduating, finally able to enjoy the hectic working life for a change, we were still in the middle of our books, scrummaging for that one tiny fact that we think might hold the edge over someone else, the one thing that makes you special if not the best. Or we are too fatigue to think about it, and can't wait for the exams to be over soon. And there were even some had some sort of regression, whether into a histrionic state (One in my hostel unit), abnormal animal-like territorial marking, narcissism cum superiority complex, or to the extent of using religiosity to justify all the nature of science and any rationalization aspect.

Perhaps, there really should be a one year break for medical course, or a shorter course. I've done 3 and a half years by now, but the journey ahead seems far ahead. Until the day I die, I wouldn't be able to rest, for this field requires more than just passion. Passion brings you nothing but even more frustration. But at least, perseverance without passion can sustain you throughout the journey.

And then, all have different goals in life. Who am I to subject people to my scrutiny? Ah... let life be... let life be....

* Tomorrow is Triad OSCE. All the best to my fellow coursemates. :P

I woke up to a commotion on a Sunday morning. The voice of my neighbor was echoing up from the kitchen. Her kitchen was next to mine, and she was there as disciplined as the newscaster, ready for her morning gossips. My mum was there as the sole audience, as usual, never tired of the never ending gossips and family news.

"I saw my son's Facebook!" Her face was gleaming with pride. It was on such rare occasion to see like this, unless when her son did well in her exams, whether if it's a monthly one or the major ones. But now her eldest son is now in Manchester, I felt relieved for my ears, having to endure every minute detail of her son's marks. Not that I remember, of course.

Well, what she meant was she had a peep at her son's Facebook photos. Her son's life in Manchester, one would presume. Her younger son had shown her via his account, and there was this photo out of many where his son was with a girl. Nothing obscene, no kissess, no hugs.

And the mom was in cloud nine because the girl was a Malaysia tycoon's relative of sort. She was jumping up and down, fantasizing of her future and worries of the "what if's" and was even planning where to have their wedding dinner and the place to stay! It went on and on for a few weeks until the son was back from UK, just to confirm that it was a false alarm. Mothers can rather be hysterical and over reacting to any Facebook status or photos.

I can't say that my mother was innocent either. Whenever she liked it, she'd read a person's profile from A-Z taking everything for real. There was this cousin sister of mine who had put up "I like men and women", the usual ones in interest category. well, there goes the hoo-haas of whether if my cousin sister is a bisexual. And yes, be wary of changing your relationship status, whether if it's single, in a relationship or married. Old folks take it for real and might trumpet their findings to the rest of the universe. They tend to get overly excited over minute details on Facebook, or every single photos, whether you upload them or you'd been tagged. And the worse are the gossiping aunts or uncles who are equally as annoying with their hordes of comments over one little thing that you might not find amusing.

Or some of my friends whom I knew allow their mothers to surf via their account of their friends profile. That would even be creepier, as if seeking potential spouses for their sons/daughters.

In this new era where Facebook are not just limited to youngsters anymore, we see throngs of post-teen years adults joining in the fun of Facebook, regardless of their objectives. It is not a crime, but the borderless world would be a shock for them, for what our privacy and personal life that we had kept away from them, had been revealed in a flooding manner. It is the period of culture shock which amused them, while may seem annoying to some.

And rest assured that our facebook is not as private as you once think it was. whatever you'd done there, a vulgar status or a shameless act might end up in the Facebook network for life. You might not want your parents to know you'd sneaked out in the middle of the night via Facebook, or an unsuspecting friend tagging a photo of you doing some nutjob stunts, just to be found out by your potential/ current employer.

There are of course, many more examples which I refuse to bore my readers, but I hope you'd get the message. If you're a person who keep no secrets, I guess this won't affect you. Otherwise, think twice before you add your cousins, your uncles, aunts, your boss or even your lecturers. You'll never know when you'll be in for the shock of your life. :P