Temptations & Ambitions

This blog, perhaps had evolved into another stage ala "Confessions of a Medical Student" by Shin Yin. Or perhaps a transient one, maybe "Confession of a Laidback Medical Student". Funny how we'd used to take a peep into the lives of final year medical students, their endeavour, their joy and pride. Funny how it felt that no matter how you prepare your mind for this day to come, taking that single leap is still as terrifying as it could be.

3rd week into Surgery, and somehow it did not felt as bad as it was in Year 3. Perhaps I was as lost as I could get, which is why I would empathize the juniors more. They may be our juniors in just these 2 years, but who knows they may even be your superiors, or seniors when you take your Masters program? I truly believe in the law of present karma, so be nice to everyone, or at least I tried to. 


Being a 5th year is different from a 3rd year. The consultants and specialists pay extra attention to you, because you are having the professionals exams soon, and any screw ups would spell trouble for their part. When would you get 6 consultants + specialists for a group of 5 students? Back when I was in Year 3, it was 2 specialists to a group of 8 students. Plus, as a 5th year, you get to do more procedures in the wards. You tend to be more proficient in the clinical procedures (or so we thought, or we'd master the art of pretense) and even the registrars acknowledge your presence. Even now, we get to scrub in to assist the doctors in the operation, although it's still not as much as doing the thing itself(not my cup of tea though). At least there was a purpose going to the OT, as well as Prof Rohaizak's teaching in the OT. Back in Year 3, operating theaters were strictly nono for me, because we as 3rd years were just like the neon lights on the Christmas tree. Nice, shiny, and yet insignificant. Or maybe white elephant. Or sometimes, we became the annoying flies being swatted off right from the start. Ignored most of the time, and learnt nothing, apart from desperate attempts to get signatures for the logbook for observing OT procedures.


As one of us did noticed that the house officer posted to UKMMC were getting younger and younger. Little did we realised that it wasn't them. It was us getting older and older. The house officer may even be of the same age as us, hence the decrease in the age gap between us and the house officers. Can't really believe that we're now 24 (alright, some may be 23, fellow rabbits)! We were so young and naive, and knew nothing much of the postings. The current revision did stir up some nostalgic memories and how we'd felt so old. The memories of the past seem so distant and yet the time ahead of us seem short and insufficient. 


Prof Rohaizak gave one of his teachings in the OT today. Again, he mentioned something and asked us to refer to page 400+ Forsythe. His trademark trick. Alex was quick to point out that he was lying, and Prof was laughing, because he knew each and every one of us back then in Year 3 would have believed everything that he said and even jotted it down (I didn't back then, FYI).

Now is the time for us to brush up our knowledge in history taking and physical examination. I thought I'd done it well, but yesterday proved me wrong. I wasn't able to do much with a lateral neck swelling(multiple) which proved to be cervical lymphadenopathy in a short case teaching with Miss Nani. That shows how much I'd not covered yet. And today, the diabetic foot patient, I could only stare for some time, and the sequence of order for the examination was rather awry. There's a lot more to learn, but I do know that this time, I am rather well-equipped with the knowledge compared to the me 2 years ago. Let's hope the spirit and zest shall prevail over a year's time at the very least.

Last week was full of theory. Seminars. Lectures. My head was filled up to the brim as I could recall. Although I did doze off some of the time, I admit that I had been awake for most of the seminars. Especially the doctor was giving pointers and not the students. Some students just gave the longest classification ever in medical history, reading every fine print in it. Hey, we're in med school, and you're supposed to present, not to recite every single words in the classification. we can leave that to our own reading time. I'm not that into audio books afterall.

This week? It's officially the start of the clinicals of Surgery posting. Ward rounds, colonoscope, OGDS (again and again for the scopes!) and presentation rounds (screwed left right up down for my own mistakes anyway) again in the evening. It's been a long time since I've been up from 7am to 5.30pm. Prolong standing is the torture. Tommorrow's going to be OT day as well as pre-op ward rounds for Wednesday. And also on-call shift. How on earth am I going to slug through this?

Oh well, I know I may not be the worst off. There's still peeps in the Pediatrics and O&G having worse days than me. This would just be a warm up for the preparations for final year (hopefully final as in FINAL). Well, that's some consolation. But I'm to know that my next posting is Pediatrics followed by O&G (then Family Medicine and lastly Internal Medicine). This is the final push. Sorry for the long rant. I know this may be the last hiatus or another rant coming up. This way or another, this is going to be the start of a series of ranting posting for the whole year. Because happy moments are to be enjoyed and I'll forget to write about it anyway. *sigh* Timne to start my revision and brush up my history taking and physical examination.

While I'm nothing of a fan of Apple, nothing they make will ever be. Imagine rectangle boxes with rounded edges that caused a hype in a small number of population. Wow, that must be ground-breaking, Apple fans would have thought, apart from feeding their delusion of being a class on-top. Never mind on how Steve Jobs acted worse than Bill Gates, while Bill Gates' partner was bought off with money, Steve let his partner suffer in poverty (although his partner did had some leisure of his own nowadays). 


With the recent iPad introduction, they had caused a hype by building an underdeveloped iPad, used the generated revenue to build a slightly better version, and hoping the same people to buy this "new" version to generate revenue to develop the next "slightly upgraded" iPad. While the same hard-core fans have 2 or more iPad, its popularity decreases because of the neverending cyclical storyline. 


But what of that? They had even "intruded" the manga world by trying to be an authority. Ok, perhaps they were one of the first, but banning e-manga with "violence" theme or "porn"-related is definitely a no-no. This had caused almost 30% of Japanese manga to be banned from iPad, anything related to blood, including Naruto, Bleach, One Piece and even medical manga series. Or some occasional manga which accidentally showed a boob popping out once in every 20 volumes (Around 150 chapters). "If you want porn buy an Android" statement is challenging everyone, and trying to be an authority in the potentially booming e-book industry. Killing off yourself before the boom is a bit tad overestimating oneself. If you can't do anything with it, why bother buying some "sleek" designs which can't do a thing? 


Seriously, why must we be judged by profiting people of what we should read. Porn may be understandable, but the thin fine line of violence and non-violnce ought to be there. The blatant banning of manga without having a clear guidelines is not going to go well, as they had refused to comment anything, but acting now and explaining much later, when their sales drop, is gonna be bad news for them. Competitors like Androids will come soon, and this is gonna bite off a large chunk of the pie.


Sometimes, it's not about wanting to watch violent theme or porn, it is to know that we have the accesibility to them that constitutes our rights. Plus, we should be trained to differentiate what is right and wrong, instead of 100% dictated by religion or hiding in the monastery devoted to nothing but paedophilism while the brother is the Pope. Imagine when Internet censorship was trying to be introduced in China or Malaysia. The uproar caused had been so great that it was not implemented in Malaysia, although China went through with certain sites.

So, what is there for us? Maybe we can recommend our Malaysian Censorship Board to them. I bet they'll do a fantastic job for iPad. :P

A new semester, a new gossip. But today's contents are not of coherency, because it is the flow of my mind. :P

It was only until I set my foot and settle down in my hostel that it dawned on me. This is my final year in UKMMC. Oh well, it's all good news, bad news, but definitely not no-news. I've seen many drama-like scenarios, gossips, rumours and everything that is possible, became possible. Somehow I've to blame the TV for showing the bad influence, because I'm sure everyone does watch at least one US drama. If you think House acted like a jerk, think again. He wasn't. I've seen many more defective copies who tried imitating that "jerk" attitude (not jerking) but without the knowledge. Or some who happened to looked like him a bit, either through the coarse facial hair or the antalgic gait with a walking cane. Or perhaps the juicy affairs in Grey's anatomy/ Desperate Housewives. Oh well, it did happened, although it wasn't as juicy as it seems on TV. Whether if it is a sexual affair, social affair, emotional affair, or molestation affair, it all happens. well, never mind the perks. It's usually based on willing buyer willing seller terms, apart from the molestation.

Sometimes, it makes me wonder if the drama series were based on real stories, or because such stories happened because they watch too much of those drama. It could happen either way, but such morality will not be judged, because it makes my life more happening. I mean, there's no need to subscribe to PayTV or wasting time being a couch potato. In fact, it hone your attentiveness to another whole level, as well as to improve your communication skills (gossip does count, doesn't it?) with fellow course mates.

I can't really say I'm out of the flaws either, but oh well, everyone lies, right? (Oh, I love the quote from House, it's really true) Mind the days when I had to pry the secrets from my high school mates with some subtle interrogation (it works actually) because there were nothing much to do back then, and the community is small, like those TVB love stories. I've definitely tone down on that, using it only accasionally, but the gossips and rumors were so much that I needn't go out to get them. They'll get me instead, though it was just a matter of time.

Or some people who can get all power-crazy when given a little bit of power (authority). I wonder if they had hit a panic button, because they flung it all out, either being too elated (the least benign), too aggresive, too paranoid, or too laidback. Being too elated can make you buy 101 leadership books and share them with your nil blog readers, but it make you enthuasistic, so you did more work than being a leader. But oh well, such leaders usually learn their lesson well (I hope), and to learn to delegate the tasks. The ones being too aggressive are the juicy ones when two of such people clash together, for the greatest showdown on earth. In Chinese, there's this term called "arm wresting", and such power wrestle was so much anticipated, but sizzles out quietly, because one of them was fierce and aggressive as a lion within the pack, but turns out to be a cat when dealing with outsiders. or sometimes the seemingly paranoid ones, who meted out punishment or scolding others for their future mistakes, or for not listening to what he said in his mind. I mean, I'm not telepathic, no thanks, although I would love that as my super power. Even if I do hear you, I'll be looking for a psychiatrist, because I've been hearing voices. Or the ones so laidback that the job gets done tomorrow. I mean the exact date tomorrow, but next year, and by other people.
 
And PPD taught us how to lie with our eyes open. No, we'll still have to stay sober and look into the patient's eyes, and to break the bad news. You have to tell them that you understand their feelings, because you empathize them, even if you'd just strike a lottery or had the best wedding proposal ever on earth and your mind is blank and you're actually thinking "Who cares?". (this is not me though). Or teach your future students all about morality, professionalism and ethics while you yourself will be breaking themor screwing around. Oh well, rules are there to be broken, I guess.

But no matter how I rant it, this is reality. There is no fairness, despite my optimism.And even if you call me immature, you had your call. But we all are. While the losers in the recent by-election called for unfairness and bribery while distributing chickens, groceries etc to the people during election, it was not because of justice that he blew the whistle. It was all because: HE LOST. had he win, he'll sure said that the people had chosen him in the spirit of fairness. Of course, there are also extremists in the winning party which had causes furore. but then again, I used to hate our current PM back when he kicked my ass into National Service. Not that I hate the camp, but the way it was implemented for the sake of his own good. But I've to give credits to him for being a smart guy and wits, being a politician with a proper degree and professionalism. Look at our country, how many politicians in Malaysia could graduate properly from a University? Some graduate from ISA, with a low intellect now that he's old. And some coming from culture, language and religious degrees, which, are always good in words, but fail to perform. We have such prominent leaders in both government and opposition parties, to be fair. It's just my opinion that such people had always fail to perform, whether in politics, or in other aspects..erhem...  But I'm not saying that degrees make people special, because as they say, people with degree had attitude problems at times, and nowadays, every Tom, Dick and Harry is a graduate. In Chinese we have "Ah Chu Ah Kau" which is pigs and dogs (Si babi, Si Anjing). But at least be well-versed in whatever portfolio you're holding.


But yet again, I'm still glad that our country as opposition parties, despite being such an irrational ones. At least there's a check and balance system, rather than the whole nation being silently obedient like lapdogs. But I had to give credits to such breeds because they can proudly declare that they are proud to be a citizen of such country despite all its forthcoming. Well, I guess everyone has their own choice. 


Uh oh, I'm already hypoglycemic. guess I have to stop here for now. Adios!

The first question that popped up of the mind would always bee "What? Now even bees have milk? Are they using miniscule breast milk pump to extract the milk from the queen bee? "

So I googled around and found the humor quiz:



P.S: Bee's milk usually refers to royal jelly amidst the confusing coined term.