I'm recently reeling around blogs again. To read what I've missed on the the life of others. It's true that more and more of us are not as expressive in words than we used to be. The usual "Hi's" and "Bye" were said in a word or two, or within the capture of 160 characters in Twitter or FB status. For me, my lack of presence in the blog could only meant that I was busy, or because there weren't as much things unsettling to rant about.
For us who have yet to graduate, perhaps the blogging season would be around the corner. The frustration, the fatigue, the anxiety and the fear which had caught up on us, baring its fangs. I could feel the breathe on my neck, warm but devoid of the tender loving care one would expect. It has been a long time since a single exam stood there determining your efforts for 5 years, and the adrenaline rush that came with it. Time was not as forgiving either, relentlessly catching up on us who slacked, and to realize that what's left might not be enough.
How I wished I could be without fear. How I wish I could turn back time, because now it meant I've reach a quarter of a century of age, it seems. My presence could only be of a speckle of dust in relation to the world. And every morning, I'd waked up hoping that it was time to don the usual white shirt and green pants for school. But I'd get disappointed, because I knew it would not happen. Since when was the the time we looked forward to school to meet up with friends, having trivial exams, having to get to see your crush in school or tuition, catching up with the latest issue of comics/ football magazine/ CLOVE, watching some Hong Kong/ Japanese/ Korean drama or playing down some racing arcade?
But oh well, in 3 months' time, I wonder if I would still be penning my emotions down, or would I proceed with life just like any other kid have done, leaving a piece of memories here and then. It seems the same happens to others as well. Our unsettling hearts yearned for a place to pour our feelings as the D-Day approaches. But all we know, what may seem like a D-Day is just part and parcel of life, nothing of significance once we're over with it. Until then, the worries and anxiety would still be creeping around.
By the way, I happened to break some bad news to some patient. I was to be a translator for a House Officer to a patient. Seeing that the HO was casual, I thought it was a normal process. I translated sentence by sentence before even knowing what was the problem. He had tuberculosis. And so I broke the news to him. Just a normal patient education I guessed, on the 6 months or more of medication. Until I had to translate/ break the next piece of bad news. He had HIV. I was supposed to translate just a sentence of "Uncle, you are HIV positive." But what could I say to soften that tone or approach? I was taken aback by the statement, being as shocked as if I was the one having it. I couldn't bear myself to do that, that I'd gone a slightly longer but safer route in breaking the piece of news ala PPD style. He was shocked, but we had to go on to educate him on the HAART therapy and the possibility of a bronchoscopy. The HO asked if he had any questions, but he had none, given the state that he was in. How would you expect a person who just knew he had HIV to react and to learn the prognosis of his condition? I would like to pat him on the shoulder, to console him, but guess I was too stunned as well. I offered my sympathy, because he wasn't the usual drug addicts nor prostitute-seeker. He was a contractor-worker who had a 6-month relationship last year, with an Indonesian girl who worked at a bar. Not as bad, but of equally as high risk.
The HO left immediately after getting his job done. I stayed for a while, trying to sort out his feelings and thoughts. Before I left, I'd reassured him that not all hope was lost. But maybe I could not sound as convincing, with him in a dejected state. Maybe I'll need more experience to be well-versed in breaking bad news. Before I left, he thanked me, but I was still dumbfounded, because I did not expect to in such a situation in the first place. It felt kinda awkward.
If only I could be more professional in my doings. If only I'd knew what was coming. Maybe I was just caught unprepared. *sigh*
For us who have yet to graduate, perhaps the blogging season would be around the corner. The frustration, the fatigue, the anxiety and the fear which had caught up on us, baring its fangs. I could feel the breathe on my neck, warm but devoid of the tender loving care one would expect. It has been a long time since a single exam stood there determining your efforts for 5 years, and the adrenaline rush that came with it. Time was not as forgiving either, relentlessly catching up on us who slacked, and to realize that what's left might not be enough.
How I wished I could be without fear. How I wish I could turn back time, because now it meant I've reach a quarter of a century of age, it seems. My presence could only be of a speckle of dust in relation to the world. And every morning, I'd waked up hoping that it was time to don the usual white shirt and green pants for school. But I'd get disappointed, because I knew it would not happen. Since when was the the time we looked forward to school to meet up with friends, having trivial exams, having to get to see your crush in school or tuition, catching up with the latest issue of comics/ football magazine/ CLOVE, watching some Hong Kong/ Japanese/ Korean drama or playing down some racing arcade?
But oh well, in 3 months' time, I wonder if I would still be penning my emotions down, or would I proceed with life just like any other kid have done, leaving a piece of memories here and then. It seems the same happens to others as well. Our unsettling hearts yearned for a place to pour our feelings as the D-Day approaches. But all we know, what may seem like a D-Day is just part and parcel of life, nothing of significance once we're over with it. Until then, the worries and anxiety would still be creeping around.
By the way, I happened to break some bad news to some patient. I was to be a translator for a House Officer to a patient. Seeing that the HO was casual, I thought it was a normal process. I translated sentence by sentence before even knowing what was the problem. He had tuberculosis. And so I broke the news to him. Just a normal patient education I guessed, on the 6 months or more of medication. Until I had to translate/ break the next piece of bad news. He had HIV. I was supposed to translate just a sentence of "Uncle, you are HIV positive." But what could I say to soften that tone or approach? I was taken aback by the statement, being as shocked as if I was the one having it. I couldn't bear myself to do that, that I'd gone a slightly longer but safer route in breaking the piece of news ala PPD style. He was shocked, but we had to go on to educate him on the HAART therapy and the possibility of a bronchoscopy. The HO asked if he had any questions, but he had none, given the state that he was in. How would you expect a person who just knew he had HIV to react and to learn the prognosis of his condition? I would like to pat him on the shoulder, to console him, but guess I was too stunned as well. I offered my sympathy, because he wasn't the usual drug addicts nor prostitute-seeker. He was a contractor-worker who had a 6-month relationship last year, with an Indonesian girl who worked at a bar. Not as bad, but of equally as high risk.
The HO left immediately after getting his job done. I stayed for a while, trying to sort out his feelings and thoughts. Before I left, I'd reassured him that not all hope was lost. But maybe I could not sound as convincing, with him in a dejected state. Maybe I'll need more experience to be well-versed in breaking bad news. Before I left, he thanked me, but I was still dumbfounded, because I did not expect to in such a situation in the first place. It felt kinda awkward.
If only I could be more professional in my doings. If only I'd knew what was coming. Maybe I was just caught unprepared. *sigh*
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