Temptations & Ambitions

 After being inspired by some babylicious post, I felt like jotting down some expericience of my own. No, it's not about having my own baby either, because it's still a few years down the road for the time being.


I've spent 2 months in Pediatrics as my last posting in Year 4. I've seen quite a number of children, particularly from the sick to the extremely healthy ones. I'm sure I'm not the one seeing the most number of babies, with my record of going late and coming back early due to the flexible hours in GHKL without supervision. Well, it's called effective learning and suits my style, but that's gonna take another post by itself. By now, just like any other who went through the same training, I could estimate the baby's age just by playing with them. Assessing the children's milestone development is part of the training as well.

Therefore, I've played with quite a number of babies. I'd soon to notice that most of the children in General Hospital KL were cheerful to begin with. And then there were a few gloomy ones. The first thing that instinctively ran through my mind was, those gloomy kids must be very ill. Too ill to feel the joy, cheer, and laughter.

And then, over a period of time, I've my fair share of playing with cheerful infants and toddlers, to which some which were demanding for attention, coo-ing and babbling excitedly at the world and basically everything. It makes them adorable, and some of them had the strength to live and treasure each and every day. It doesn't matter if they had the slightest flu, it doesn't matter if some have HIV, it doesn't matter if some had to go through the torturing treatment for leukemia, retinoblastoma or any other cancer regardless of how treatable it was, and yet they could uphold the smile and carve another one right on your heart.


I was wondering, how could this happen? How could they be so strong when faced with such events and "difficulties" of these illnesses that most adults would sulk and grieve?


I didn't figure it out by myself, but my dear pointed it out for me. Their parents was a cheerful bunch as well. It wasn't the age of the parents, we'd seen older parents who were wise enough to handle their kids and also young parents who were excited (amidst the worries) to take care of their firstborn. This makes thing simple to understand. Happy parents bring up happy children, despite their illness. They look at the world in a positive light. How could they be so down when the world is waiting for them to explore? 

And then again, the same can be seen from the parents whose kids were gloomy. They were equally as gloomy. How could the kids not learn to be gloomy when faced with a pair of gloomy faces from the start?


Perhaps what most parents would not realize is that what they do and how they react would affect their children. Parents are the ones nurturing the environment for their children, and their children are like a white blank sheet of paper, waiting to be painted with the colors of life. Their perception of course, goes after their parents, the first few people they interact in life. Which is why although some of us did manage to grow out of our parents' dreams, expectations, idealism and perception, most of us didn't. It does not require distance to separate from these, for I've seen friends and relatives apart who strive to be different from their parents, just to act the same. It could be the in the genes, it could be how your parents had moulded you, it could be your environment. But nevertheless, being similar to your parents is nothing wrong, learn from their strength and weaknesses, and think for yourself what is right and wrong (yet such perception were influenced by your parents from the start as well), and be HAPPY!

Maybe the children are a depictable model of our innerselves where adults had been reluctant to show. Who doesn't love the positive energy radiating from the kids? Could it be us that had somehow lost it in our journey of life that we long for it? Who would really love to hear the rant of a negative freind who would complain of practically anything and everything all the time? Ponder this for a moment, and we might find our very own answers.

The weather has been hot for the past few days. I mean, VERY HOT!! And so finally, I'd made plans for a casual basketball game with friends. 5pm, yesterday. The moment I stepped out of the house and drove the car to pick up my friend, it rained suddenly, with elephants and dinosaurs. I mean, what are the odds to have such a heavy rain just at the moment I step into the car and went past the first traffic light at the main road? The rain was so heavy that the water was one foot deep. We usually only get that when KL city had flash flood. And so I was wet, not from the sweat, but from the generous sky who can't keep its "bladder" under control. Or was it intentional?


And today, evening. The hot weather continued. Because I did not plan for any basketball. And what a fine weather it was.






If this is going to happen, I think I'd rather swim in the rain, because I'll be wet anyway.


Or wait, wouldn't I be an easy target for Zeus? (Greek God of Lightning, for those who had no idea who he was) Lol!


*Note: This is the 400th post in this blog. Another milestone. :P

Somehow, KL wasn't as quiet as it used to be during Lunar New Year. I remembered how quiet was the streets in KL on festive seasons. The streets were practically empty and you can even hold a street race. But over the few years, many had stayed back in KL instead of going back to hometown.


I went to The Pavillion with my parents today, to watch "72 Tenants of Prosperity" in GSC. I got the tickets for the 11.35am show since my parents prefer an earlier time. On the way there, the streets were practically empty and quiet. Oh, I thought, it must be the "balik kampung" thing. When we reached there, it's rather empty too. But well, it was 11am at that time. But after coming out of the cinema at 1.30pm, boy, I was wrong. Pavillion was basically filled with the crowd it usually receive on a weekend. Or even more. Every shop was packed with crowd, filled with CNY atmosphere.
 
The "balik kampung" spirit may have dwindled, or the population, as a whole, as generally increased. Whatever it is, there wouldn't be a quiet city anymore during festive seasons. And many whose parents in hometown had passed away, and siblings no longer gather together, as the families split into smaller ones. Each and every one of them had their very own families, and ought to celebrate on their own, nevertheless reducing the burden of preparing that many meals by one or two "cooks" of the family. 


My CNY celebration so far had been rather peaceful. Staying at home is better than moving around especially when the weather is freakingly hot that you'd rather stay at home enjoying the cooling air-conditioner rather than the scorching red hot sun. Cookies, crackers? I'd enough of them almost everyday, so it's just like any other day. But well, I'd developed a new liking for some chocolates as well. 





Yeah, Ferrero collection. Got some treat from my mom. I'm deviating from the usual Ferrero Rocher since I'm really "jelak" after having so many of it. Something different and new perhaps. :P


But well, expect me to be missing tomorrow. Will be going to Wai Sun's house. Will see how's the gambling den goes and the booze. Oh, no. I'll just be observer for the booze. It's off-limits for medical personnel (Just an excuse, a very convenient one indeed.. :P)

So, goodnite (or morning) for everyone. I'm off to bed for a sweet dream. :)

1.30am in the morning. Lunar New Year. The same song had been playing on the speakers. For these past few days, the song had been playing on the radio, and it got stuck on my head. So, I downloaded it from Digi's unlimited music download (I'm a Digi broadband subscriber) for free. Somehow, I felt at ease listening to the song, handing me the peace I hardly had for a long period of time. I had long forgotten that music could really soothe the soul. The current music trend had been rather noisy and pitchy, if present at all, or bitchy for the sex appeal.

It must have been quite some time since I penned down some thought-filled diary entry here. There just seem to be a tendency to return to the old writing style which brought me to start a blog from some years back. There wasn't really a need to re-read my previous almost-500 entries to know that I've changed. But there's nothing to stop me from changing back whenever I wanted to. :P

And so I booked a ticket to my very own Finale in the course. How could I feel apart from relieved? Relieved that I had only a year left before I'd graduate, if I pass the professionals, of course. Relieved that my exams were over for the time being and all the worries dissipated into thin air. Relieved that I'd pass when I was playing a fool most of the time, struggling with myself for a gasp of fresh air. Relieved that all I have now is rest, and a long holiday to plan ahead. Relieved that I would have time to work my bump up into good shape. Relieved that I would have time for family, friends and to tinker with my own hobbies. What else could I wish for?

But I could be a pessimist, thinking that this could be the last holiday before slugging for another year. A pessimist that I would rot at home, not doing anything. A pessimist in everything, anything, and nothing.

But I am still listening to the song. Soothing and yet catchy. Relaxing and yet motivating. As I lie on my bed, staring out of the window, at the glimmer of ray from the glowing star. Or perhaps it was a satellite? I had no idea, but all I knew was, I could doze off in my dreams lightheartedly. Goodnite, and Happy Lunar New Year!

P.S: Here's the song I'd mentioned. :)



Fireflies – Owl City Music Code

It's kinda crappy waiting in the library in UKMMC. Results were supposed to be out by today, afternoon, most would presume. But it was promised to be 5pm. So why am I waiting here since 2pm? Oh well, I guess I'll just kill time with some spontaneous rant.

So, with this, I assume that you guys/gals would know that my exam's over, and this would practically leave me with 2 months break. Well that is, provided I passed my papers. Pessimistic it may sound, but perhaps it made me more humane in a way. Med school has somehow taught me that I am afterall, a normal being. Even the doctors and professors are so. We are all bounded by our own emotions as well, but it is the way we handle it that matters the most. I'm not saying that everyone here are the worst or the best kind. I'm not cynistic enough not to recognize the virtue of some doctors, and I'm not submissive enough to idolize every single doctor like some would. All I can say that they are the role models, and the "end-product" of what they had uphold through out their journey in life.

And I'm not ambitious enough to change each and every one of them. I myself had my flaws as well, but I would take that it would be prudent not to learnt from their strength or their mistakes. Career is important, but sometimes, to me, my own life would be as squally important as well. Too often that we had chased upon our own tails, dwelling in the rat race for advancement in career and wealth, just to neglect the very reason we did that in the first place, for the quality of life, family life, friendship and our very own dreams, those that we had set to accomplish when we were young, whether to fly around the world, to dive in the deepest seas or the dream to help others. How many times had we seen people who were too engrossed in the wealth chase with no other accomplishment other than the sense of satisfaction of being on the top? As the saying goes, you can't bring money with you when you die. And how many times exactly had we seen people who turn down requests for help, when their goals were to help others?

And then again, there are those who overdid it. Those who dream and make dreams their master. Those who lived like there is no tomorrow. Those who spend to realize their dreams, at the expense of others because they can't afford it. To enjoy the life without accomplishing the goals in life. Was there any rationale in such people in the first place? Would you be happy to spend all your wage by the middle of the month so that you could live off bread crumbs or instant noodles for the rest of the month, all because of that single temptation that you had gave in?

So, my mind flew with thoughts and ideas, but there seem to be no coherency in them. I would leave you readers to ponder, and to decide, what is best for you. After all, it's you who decide how you live, not others.

Now, this is a very first of all disclaimer. I am not going to goad anyone below 18 to go for a date. Sometimes, underaged can be a rather subjective matter. Elementary school kids can go kissing or making love for all that I know, and shotgun marriages which most of the time, ended up nevertheless the same. That is, divorce, for 9 out of 10 times. Despite that, those couples would always think that they are the tenth case, dying to exchange vows, just to find out that it was, afterall, a vow to make the other dying.

On the other hand, there are also the mommy's boys or daddy's girls, deeming themselves underaged despite being 40 years old. To parents, of course, you would always be under their age. It's time to step out of the closet and face the world, be it for good times, or bad times. So, be wise and choose your own appropriate age.




2. Because You're Afraid of Commitment
Weekend retreats, shared water closet or the torture (engagement ring) having you scampering into the wild? The shackles of commitment tying you to another human being for life seems more awful than a death sentence to you? Yeah, freedom fighters as you are, stretching your fun days into your middle age could be risky, and at the worst, could be tragic as it seem to sound. Knowing the unknown may be a terror far worse than terrorism, but conquering that innate feeling of yours would really require a change in mindset or attitude. Otherwise, you might need a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or if possible, a brain transplant since your old ones seems to rot far beyond your physical age.


3. Because You're In Love with Yourself
Yeah, yeah, you're beautiful, it's true. (Quote from James Blunt) Everyone feels the same. Given the chance, you'll live in a house of mirrors. Naked. You wouldn't even leave a puddle of water alone. It bears reflection right? Perhaps it's time to divert that love to someone else instead. Hit the gym, or anywhere with mirrors. Who knows, you might "bumped" into someone's eyes in the mirror, albeit checking your buns of steel (or your shameful beer belly).




4. Because You're Gay

Alright, this might not be single, but most of the time, it went undeclared. Malaysia is a conservative country. And the last thing you want to feel is the blade of your dad's butcher knife. What about job promotion if your boss finds out? Most of the time, you'll tell anyone and everyone that you're single. Partly true, but it could be due to your philanderer's side of your's trying to hit out at others of the same sex.


5. Because You're Desperate

You're 40, and going nowhere in relationship. Your grandma and other relatives are nagging at every family reunion since you were 24. As time passes by, you felt the urge to grab one as time is ticking. But the more you try, the further you are from your destination. Your trying too hard left you with not even one girl friend or guy friend (depending on your sex orientation), because you scared them all away. Let's face it. No one likes desperado's. There's this rushing of time that turns people off, more after when they realised that it was all for the sake of salvation.


The trick is, accept the fact that you're desperate. But there is no need to show it to every single lady/guy you've met. Play it cool, and you can even joke about it. Light humor (or cold dry humor) would fancy at least someone, rather than no one. You might wanna try everything and anything, but be sensible. Speed dating would be fine, and any other events which introduce you to people out of your social circle. Then, at least they had not a single idea of your desperation. That is, unless you've shown it yourself and you'll have to move on to another social circle until you've perfected the nonchalant look.

6. Because You're Not Over Your Last Relationship
You just got dumped. Pathetic, and so it was. Welcome to the landfill of the dumped. The experience might pushed you over the edge, tempting you to do a harakiri and say goodbye to the world. But you just can't do it. So you'd vowed that you'll never fall in love again. Ever. It's okay to be sober once in a while, and reflect on the past. However, don't dwell too long in it. Just remember to shave and bath before you're ready for the next great adventure. It stinks from your tears, and also the fact that the last time you bath was on the day you broke up with your ex.

7. Because You're Way Too Ugly (Than an Ogre)

Yeah, everyone feels that way at times. Even the hottest chick/ hunk in town knows that there is this flaw in them, no matter how small it can be. It's just how we deal with them (or tackle the hottest chick/ hunk). Charisma, confidence and cheerfulness are the traits that can be trained. And it makes the world a better place to live than a large chunk of cumulonimbus hovering over your head. Of course, if you wouldn't believe me, you can always opt for a plastic surgeon.


8. Because You're Looking for Someone with the 5C's.

Yeah, and the checklist of..erm.. 100 pages long? To tick all the boxes before you even consider that someone. And often you've seen people with the other 5 C's: cheapskate, coward, creepy, clumsy and crappy?

Come on, take a good look at the mirror, or the puddle of water if you can't afford a mirror. What position do you have to demand that much? All that boxes and their qualifications for what in return (of this 'investment')? Sex? In the end, you might realized that all you really need is the two C's: Chemistry and compatibility.

9. Because You're Allergic (To Everything?)
Socializing may not be good for the heart, or so the decree stated. You might end up in cardiac arrest. Chest pain, palpitations, sweaty palms, difficulty breathing, and the feeling that you're going to ascend to heaven anytime soon. We feel your pain. It's called panic attack. We'll just need to arrange for an appointment with a psychologist/ psychiatrist (not because you're crazy, but because you need help) to overcome your fears. And the chest pain that we truly feel for you. Or maybe not, if the pain involves swelling, potential paralysis, rashes (or hives)and hyperventilation. That could be a true allergy (How unfortunate).


10. Because You're Obsessed With Your Pets
Jingles, Kiki, Mimi, Nancy or Dolly? Name the array of pets you're staying with on your bed (Oh you trisexual being). Talking all day about your pets ruining your place may seem endearing to you but not so for others. What's more, it could sound as disgusting as it gets. Who knows, your potential candidate could even be allergic to those fur (unless your pets are cold reptiles, which is, another story after all). My advice? If you can't cook them or dump them, you can either: (a) find a party animal and make him/her your collection of zoo pets; or (b) date a zookeeper or vet. Chances are, (b) would be more beneficial if it's a vet. At least you save the trip (and cash) down the vet clinic every time!

So, are you in any of it? :P