I am not the wisest man on earth when it comes to choices. I knew the fact that I hesitated many times as I'd rather be non-committal. But again, time is a factor now as we need to decide. This time, to where I am posted for my housemanship training.
And the story goes again and again like this:
Primary six, post-UPSR:
I was offered a spot in a boarding school, SM Sains Selangor, Cheras. Yes, the one near UKMMC. I'd no idea why would my school applied for me without my consent for once. It must have been lucky to be among the 3 chosen ones from my school, but I had begged to differ. Boarding schools were never my culture, and never in my blood. It just meant strict discipline without the comfort of home. Some of you may boast of how disciplined you'd get, but that's your business (and your own consolation, not mine). So, boarding school means waking up at 5am even if you don't have to, because your dorm mates are already up for prayers. Boarding school means no television. Boarding school means going out of school twice a month, once for grocery shopping and once for spending the weekends with the family. It meant no life for someone like me who lives in an urban setting full of temptations and leisure. Why would I want to torture myself? It's not like my life depended on it. It's not like it's the only way for me to obtain education for the sake of social mobility. Mind you, I think I'd done better than I would have if I'm in a boarding school, if I did not suffer from depression, suicidal, or most likely homicidal given the nature of my temper when provoked. Oh, of course, not to mention that I cried, beg and pleaded not to be sent there. Oh well, that was the past.
Secondary 5, Post-SPM:
An offer for Singapore's A-level. Yes, the most unlikely offer, with no guarantees for anything. High chance that I'll be sent home post A-levels with nothing left for me. But then, it stood as an option, to experience something different from my local experience. Too many things and matters prevented me from going. National service, for once, had summoned upon me. And the poor response and inability of the Singapore officials in handling this matter, being always non-chalant and very irresponsible. I'd no idea why I'd always had bad experiences with Singapore until now with some sort of jinx, but that's another story altogether. If I'm there, I have to share a room for two, while at home, I'm having two rooms for my own. The comfort of home is just too tempting.
High school, Post- STPM:
Perhaps it was time to leave the nest. I was contemplating the universities at offer, with the possibilities wide enough for a choice of my own. Well, perhaps London was a loose choice, with LSE being my dream university I wonder why. At that moment, taking the path of an economist wasn't that bad an idea. But sooner than later, it was a graduated exposure, I know. It was slightly further than home, I'd to leave in a hostel, but I still had the freedom to travel to and fro home as I like. I know not many people could enjoy the luxury, which is why they would label "mommy's boy" or worse. But I know, given the opportunity, they would do the same too. It's just that I grabbed hold of what's mine and they couldn't.
Med-School: Pre-professionals exams:
There could be no turning back now it seems. Time to spread my wings and fly and breathe in the air from the higher skies. If I had not make a journey now, I would have to leave later without a promise of return. I'd taken my 1st leap. It is now up to fate if I would eventually glide and soar off in my maiden leap, or should I fall like how the great Humpty Dumpty did.
And suddenly, the poems came back to my mind:
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
And the story goes again and again like this:
Primary six, post-UPSR:
I was offered a spot in a boarding school, SM Sains Selangor, Cheras. Yes, the one near UKMMC. I'd no idea why would my school applied for me without my consent for once. It must have been lucky to be among the 3 chosen ones from my school, but I had begged to differ. Boarding schools were never my culture, and never in my blood. It just meant strict discipline without the comfort of home. Some of you may boast of how disciplined you'd get, but that's your business (and your own consolation, not mine). So, boarding school means waking up at 5am even if you don't have to, because your dorm mates are already up for prayers. Boarding school means no television. Boarding school means going out of school twice a month, once for grocery shopping and once for spending the weekends with the family. It meant no life for someone like me who lives in an urban setting full of temptations and leisure. Why would I want to torture myself? It's not like my life depended on it. It's not like it's the only way for me to obtain education for the sake of social mobility. Mind you, I think I'd done better than I would have if I'm in a boarding school, if I did not suffer from depression, suicidal, or most likely homicidal given the nature of my temper when provoked. Oh, of course, not to mention that I cried, beg and pleaded not to be sent there. Oh well, that was the past.
Secondary 5, Post-SPM:
An offer for Singapore's A-level. Yes, the most unlikely offer, with no guarantees for anything. High chance that I'll be sent home post A-levels with nothing left for me. But then, it stood as an option, to experience something different from my local experience. Too many things and matters prevented me from going. National service, for once, had summoned upon me. And the poor response and inability of the Singapore officials in handling this matter, being always non-chalant and very irresponsible. I'd no idea why I'd always had bad experiences with Singapore until now with some sort of jinx, but that's another story altogether. If I'm there, I have to share a room for two, while at home, I'm having two rooms for my own. The comfort of home is just too tempting.
High school, Post- STPM:
Perhaps it was time to leave the nest. I was contemplating the universities at offer, with the possibilities wide enough for a choice of my own. Well, perhaps London was a loose choice, with LSE being my dream university I wonder why. At that moment, taking the path of an economist wasn't that bad an idea. But sooner than later, it was a graduated exposure, I know. It was slightly further than home, I'd to leave in a hostel, but I still had the freedom to travel to and fro home as I like. I know not many people could enjoy the luxury, which is why they would label "mommy's boy" or worse. But I know, given the opportunity, they would do the same too. It's just that I grabbed hold of what's mine and they couldn't.
Med-School: Pre-professionals exams:
There could be no turning back now it seems. Time to spread my wings and fly and breathe in the air from the higher skies. If I had not make a journey now, I would have to leave later without a promise of return. I'd taken my 1st leap. It is now up to fate if I would eventually glide and soar off in my maiden leap, or should I fall like how the great Humpty Dumpty did.
And suddenly, the poems came back to my mind:
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
robert frost...
i am too struggling to make a decision.... where should i go after HO-ship...
Hi shin yin! :)
So when is your HO-ship ending? Would it be the confessions of a "medical officer" instead next time? :)