Breaktime
Ouch, it's been kind of tiring to study, so
I guess I'll have a break now. It seems as if I'm so free. Haha.. Sometimes, I just feel like the world revolves around me, and yet, at times, I know I'm the one revolving around mankind. The reason of existence will never be there, unless we create it. We set our own paths, our own destinies, and for every man has his own goals.(women too) Went back to TARC yesterday to collect my STPM certificate. How much effort that I had put in for that, I will always remember. Yet, for now, it seems nothing anymore. It became as worthless as my UPSR, PMR, SPM certs. People have to let go of their past and look forward to realise their dreams. I knew that all along, yet the constant reminder is just to make sure it is engraved on my cerebelum, within the ganglia, to the extend of even in the astrocytes, oligodendrocytes, microglia, and ependymal cells. Crap, I'm going too much into Bio.. Please! Someone BLEACH it off! Anyway, just feel like tearing the certs apart, so I will have no total attachment to the past, those that had mould my identity so far. I do not wish to be sequestrating the past, trapped in it for life. Letting it go seems to be more appropriate for now. I had managed to interupt the Maths
T1 lecture by Madam Khoo for US2 students for the last 10 minutes. They were revising for the coming STPM. Just can't imagine time flies so fast. It was as if the memories of the struggle during STPM was quite recent, when now, the juniors were the ones facing it. I was asked to give a pep talk, and I did it in quite a manner. I did not realise it until Madam Khoo pointed it out. I was SPEAKING in front of the lecture hall, not hesistating much and considerably relaxed than before. Mdm Khoo compliment me, but I felt it's just the mood of the day. Haha.. I admit, I'm still not good at speaking in public, but I know I'd improved a lot ever since I knew of my weakness during my F4 years. At that time, I was stuttering, talking so fast and my voice couldn't be heard, and I could feel palpitation, as well as my legs shaking with fear. And yes, the hasten heartbeat is still there, the voice couldn't be heard at times especially without a microphone because I was SWALLOWING my words out of fear. But at least, my legs didn't shake as vigorous as before, and I always try to slow down my speech so that it will be audible. The 'presentation' manner got much better, because I'm more relaxed, though I realised that I had develop a new habit of moving my hands as means of dissipitating the fear I had. I just told the US2 to work hard, if what
they want is to enter the local public Uni. But yet, I left out the part asking them to 'condition' themselves before the exam, so that they are physically and menttaly healthy, unlike me last year. Anyway, it does not really matter if they don't get to local Uni, for life might be even better, who knows? But of course, I shouldn't tell them so, later it won't be motivating anymore, it'll be more of preparing a plan B as if the plan A will fail. Haha.. Mr Lim has really got real thin. He's officially retired as a full-timer, though he was still kind enough to take over the part-time job to take care of the US1 before their STPM later this year. I just hope he'll be in good health, no matter how I used to 'opposed' him. Maybe it's because we had similarities in character that made us clash. And how I wish I wouldn't end up as a lecturer, no matter how promising the job will be. Let's just hope he'll have a healthy and longer life to enjoy his 'grandfather days' first, as well as other lecturers. Back to me now, I think I had enough break
now. The rain hasn't stop until now. Looking out of the window, the sky is dark, and the raindrops created a soothing rhyme that tells me to rest my fingers, and putting a click on the "Publish Post" beneath this box.
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