Temptations & Ambitions

I'm sure many of you readers have heard thousands and thousands of regimes to keep you fit and hassle-free. But of course, they are just advises which will not succeed most of the time. So, here's a few tips that will make you lose your weight for sure.

1. Lose your mind. Your brain is already 3 lbs of dead weight that craves for food when you're hungry. It's better if you lose your hands or your legs. It will be much lighter too.
2. Stop drinking water. Our body contain up to 75% water. So you can see how much weight we can lose by losing water. Sauna is one of the ways to lose your body water, as body fat is hard to be lost in sauna.
3. Get TB (Tuberculosis). You will experience weight loss with immediate effect. Side effects noted.
4. Get some mild form of treatable cancer. You will lose up to 30% of your current weight and be happy as an anorexic model.
5. Take some thyroid-enhancing pills or get hyperthyroidism. You will remain as slim as possible while chomping off the extra calories without worries, if bulging eyes is not one of your concern, which is one of the minor problems that you may face.
6. Take in as much sugar as you can and get be diabetic. Your condition will enable you to wear a size-zero, though you may not enjoy sweet stuff anymore.
7. Remove your gallbladder. You will not be able to digest fat anymore, so they don't get to be absorbed anymore. Well, that's a good thing if you're a fat lover, although you may find that your appetite for fatty food may not be as it was before.
8. Starve yourself and skip 3 meals a day. In no time, you will be a hardcore fan of World Vision's Skip-A-Meal Campaign and you can donate the money you save to them. A worthy cause huh? If you're lucky enough, you might as well make a will so that they inherit all your money after you had starve to death.
9. Go for liposuction. Let the doctors clean off your fat layer just like how you scrub your toilet floors. Minor bruises will be your slightest concerns.
10. Get addicted to love. Get yourself a boyfriend/girlfriend and be a hardcore lover. Get dumped and you'll find yourself losing weight rather quickly.
    

I guess that's all for now. This top 10 ways will guarantee you a 100% effective weight-losing regime, otherwise you can look for me. Of course, these methods are good if you're willing to compromise. So, enjoy your new 'regime'!

Disclaimer: The author shall not be held liable for any health-related problems caused by the above-mentioned regime, which covers aspects of physical, mental, social and spiritual health. Vaccination against idiocy is not provided if there is any reader who decides that the methods mentioned above are feasible. The author himself do not practise and do not actuallt support for such regimes, and decides that it is just a joke, Please do not take it seriously as they are just for gags.